Saturday, June 7, 2014

A simple SORRY.


These few days, I was frustrated over myself for being too sensitive on small things. It may looks normal to other people but not for me when the stuffs that you really longed for it. For me who is the person who loves to share things with the 'so-called-highlight-of-my-life', it doesn't seems normal when the important things that I want to share were not express-able. But then I was driven pissed off again when he doesn't even notice that he was actually the one who makes your mood swings for the whole day? To make up everything is just simple. All you need to say is just a word. SORRY. But that comes after a day when he doesn't even realized what kind of things is he asking for apologize. To be honest, I don't like this kind of communication. I was expecting that he should have known what happen on me etc, but that doesn't just works like that I guess. 

To be frank, going through over this thing, I've learnt something which is called the eternal love. :) That is between you, the servant and your God. I was crying hard when I realized this. From the moment when I feel that I was seeking to much attention from His creation, His words do really make me feel contented. SubhanaAllah, I was crying extra hard when I heard the Quran recitation. At this point again, I know I failed to make Him as my only One. I was paying too much attention to make other people pleased with me, but not you, ya Allah. I was sitting back, opened the Quran, and found that Allah says:

"When my sevants ask you about Me, then (tell them that) I am near. 
I respond to the call of one when he prays to Me; so they should respond to Me,
and have faith in Me, so that they may be on the right path."
Al baqarah : 186

I know that whoever asks Allah for forgiveness, he/she would be forgiven by Allah.
But who am I decided not to forgive people? Because the servants of Allah who has so many sins yet He still forgive them. Allah, I know that I have so many weakness, so many obstacles so many things to try to get rid off the jahiliyyah inside of  me just for struggling and trying to be your perfect servant with imperfections. 
I am overwhelmed with this eternal love :')

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Faith that keeps you awake.

After about 5 months leaving Malaysia and starting back to build my 2nd year now in Adelaide, tonight I just feel like writing, expressing myself. Despite of having my busy and cramp scheduled here, writing would be one of the ways on relaxing and keep myself clam. Alhamdulillah, I went through two tests this morning. That were physiology and biochemistry. I was keep on feeling steady and stable after went over my  1st test this morning but not after Biochemistry because what I was expected to have was not what I expected to come. I don't know whether I can really survive with this subject or not this semester. To meet up with my sponsorship's requirements is not that easy. Being a scholarship student is not that easy because you would then come to the point that, 

I then realized that in this life, there is no such easy things. When life has so many levels that you need to endure, this is just the simple tests that Allah has put you to go through. Because Allah once said that,

"Do people think that they will be 
left (at ease) only on their saying,
"we believe" and will not put you to any test?"
The Holy Quran : Al-Ankaboot

When you claimed that yourself is the believer, Allah will put you into several tests. At this point Allah wants to test you whether you keep going and rely on Allah 100%. Allah creates us and whoever knows us better than Him? He mentions that he is closer that our jugular veins in Quran, and he knows whatever thoughts our inner self develops but yet He still loves to hear us making du'a to Him. Because we sometimes never even spent time with Him yet He still waits for us to talk to him. :( Sometimes, I feel like I'm being harsh to this divine and pure relationship as it is a relationship between you, yourself and your Lord. The one who owns you at the first place. The one that you should say that, "All of me, Love all of You". But yeah, it is always me who failed on concentrating on You, yet You never fail to protect and ensure that everything that happens on my everyday life stays and falls on the right place. After all, I know that your blessings always overpowers everything. SubhanaAllah, life is indeed a game. It just whether you win or lose on this battle.

Dear Allah, 
Keep on guiding me because,
I want to love you as much as You love me.