These few days, I was frustrated over myself for being too sensitive on small things. It may looks normal to other people but not for me when the stuffs that you really longed for it. For me who is the person who loves to share things with the 'so-called-highlight-of-my-life', it doesn't seems normal when the important things that I want to share were not express-able. But then I was driven pissed off again when he doesn't even notice that he was actually the one who makes your mood swings for the whole day? To make up everything is just simple. All you need to say is just a word. SORRY. But that comes after a day when he doesn't even realized what kind of things is he asking for apologize. To be honest, I don't like this kind of communication. I was expecting that he should have known what happen on me etc, but that doesn't just works like that I guess.
To be frank, going through over this thing, I've learnt something which is called the eternal love. :) That is between you, the servant and your God. I was crying hard when I realized this. From the moment when I feel that I was seeking to much attention from His creation, His words do really make me feel contented. SubhanaAllah, I was crying extra hard when I heard the Quran recitation. At this point again, I know I failed to make Him as my only One. I was paying too much attention to make other people pleased with me, but not you, ya Allah. I was sitting back, opened the Quran, and found that Allah says:
"When my sevants ask you about Me, then (tell them that) I am near.
I respond to the call of one when he prays to Me; so they should respond to Me,
and have faith in Me, so that they may be on the right path."
Al baqarah : 186
I know that whoever asks Allah for forgiveness, he/she would be forgiven by Allah.
But who am I decided not to forgive people? Because the servants of Allah who has so many sins yet He still forgive them. Allah, I know that I have so many weakness, so many obstacles so many things to try to get rid off the jahiliyyah inside of me just for struggling and trying to be your perfect servant with imperfections.
I am overwhelmed with this eternal love :')