I am currently trying to finish off my thesis correction for quite sometimes. I don't know what happen to me recently but it seems like I lost my motivation.
I feel so burden and heavy trying to finish this. It's been nearly 20 days since my ptem but I just couldn't grasp myself back. I feel like talking and going for a sip of coffee.
Well, I did but this burden does not go away. It stays and I don't know what to do.
Maybe I need someone else who I can blurt everything out in the most comfortable way? I don't know.
Mujahadah sangat ni dah kenapa? T.T
Anyway, I have a confession to make.
Okay dah boleh pasang lagu thousand years - Christina Perri hahahaha
Wait. yeah. I am serious. Turn that on now.
Dah pasang?
Well, here it is...
I chatted with someone who listened to me so well once upon a time. The last time that we keep in touch was on January 20th 2017. Ever since, I never heard about that particular person anymore. I was left hanging knowing nothing about his uni, face and his details. The only thing I knew was he is from Segamat, Johor and studied physics education in a local university. I am always curious about his where about because his timing is always different. I woke at 5am having my sahur on my Monday and Thursday puasa routine but I would always found him actively online. One big fact that I would always remember was him telling me couples of times that he did not want to fall for anyone. But to tell you the truth, I did several times. Although we were sort of like just talking about life, virtually. But I am glad that it didn't became a big thing though since somehow he could be so comforting at times. I remember him picking a maroon abaya over the purple one coz he said I might look better in maroon. I did not manage to buy it because it was out of stock, but then I picked a maroon blouse when I attended a conference in Johor last time. I uploaded myself wearing the maroon blouse, for certain reason I wanted him to notice me in maroon but too bad he had deactivated his fb waayy before that. In the chat that I scrolled back, we told each other that we would miss chatting like this, I don't know about him but I always do. When I wrote about wanting someone to listen to me, it would always remind me of him. He told me that I could have known him more when the time is right. I am actually kind of waiting and still curious though years might have passed.
I would always remember you this way.
Or is it perhaps, the time would never be right?
*I wish I could reveal his actual name here. But I choose him to remain anonymous and let this stays between me and him, only.
I'm sorry I break my promise as I did not finish my Korea travel story on December. I went home last week which I did not intend to, so my schedule on writing blog just went all over the place. I've saved half of my writing but did not manage to publish them yet.
While we are still at the heat of celebrating new year, I may want to take this chance to look back at the unlocked achievements and some of the things I learnt throughout 2018. I think this is like the tradition in my blog now, to look back at the previous years and to reflect back is a huge and important thing to do, at least for me. So skipping my travel story is not a big deal for now ehehe. I don't write much on my facebook, but I do blabbering a lot in my blog. I guess people who are still learning about me through blog posts are some cool creatures and extraordinary! You are really one of the kind. Thank you for reading and witnessing the important things happened in my life :)
Anyway, let's look closer to the year of 2018. Lemme summarize the past few years ever since I think I am back to blog with another phase of life. 2016 was the buffering year for me, coz lot's of thing changed as I experienced a huge transition from Australia to Malaysia, from bachelor degree to Master degree programme and came to unexpected place etc, 2017 was indeed the year of me to understand and grasping life better. I learnt the meaning of persistence & motivation to pursue your study, I started to realize the real meaning behind commitments, and wealth does not mean you owning a huge amount of money, but being happy is the ultimate goal in life.
I would say 2018 was not that plain, but I achieved quite lots of things last year.
1) I successfully completed my thesis writing on October!
This is the most highlighted part of 2018. A lot of people are complaining about writing thesis. Well, I was not excepted from this but the determination I had was totally insane. 3 months of writing it felt like a throwing up journey, but once I set my mind I just did not know to stop. Alhamdulillah tsumma alhamdulillah. I've done the most crucial part in research, I am still waiting for my thesis evaluation, so please pray for it :)
2) I have actively participated in 2 virtual runs & a netball tournament AND I LOVE IT!
I love experiencing things especially when it has to do with your physical interactions. Well, I don't realize this at first but I was an athlete when I was young, I learnt quickly on dance movements but my potential on sports haven't been polished for quite some times. Pretty much that explained why I love virtual run. I am now been using Nike Run Club to track my daily exercise routine. Please add me up if you guys are using the same apps: Syafiqa Tsukushi is my id. Anddd the netball tournament was actually grilled and roasted for my team hahaha, but I didn't expect I did quite better than anyone else and played center position kayhhh. haaaa.
3) I received quite a number of invited speakers, panelists and MC invitation
I am quite well known for an outspoken person for certain reasons, lol. But I think I didn't quite reveal my true color ever since I left school or even Adelaide. But last year, I received tons of invitation especially in IIUM to voice out the postgraduate opinions in a forum, being MC for symposiums and several general grand meetings held in Kulliyyah of Science. One of the biggest achievement I had so far was presenting a pretty heavy topic: pedophile to the primary school students. It needed patience and creativity to handle them and I think I did pretty well though I lost a bit of my voice after the session lol. Good job Wan Syafiqa. *Patting my own back*
4) I successfully edited the whole postgraduate magazine VIRTOUSI!
Omg, this is quite an achievement for me, alhamdulillah :) I always feel that I do have the talent to design a little bit, but I always felt incompetent enough whenever it comes to designing. Since I usually tell people my honest opinions for some designs etc, and yes some of them do not meet my expectation so much. Though that was the case, I don't talk about it a lot because I want to appreciate their effort the most so I usually keep quite. It was different when I was in Australia, my team mates made great designs and they always beyond my imagination to be honest. But it is different here, so I told myself why don't I tried to make one and we'll see how it goes. I do feel satisfaction because it really fit my tastes lol, obviously coz I created it but I received numerous compliments from the people who read the magazine and it made me feel so happy. So at least, I proved myself that self-insecurity is not needed here :)
5) I learnt to take care of my skin in a real deal!
You guys may be knowing that I struggled a lot with my breakout on the end of 2017 I guess. So early this year I made a lot of notes on the ingredients that I need to concentrate to get rid of my acne and after 5 months I did reduce them 80% and I am so glad after a real hard work searching for the right skin care. So I shared a few of my empties on this blog and I plan to write another empties sessions soon coz my skin improved a lot way better than before. I appreciate my skin better now and I often pay much attention whenever it comes to skin care routine. So stay tune for the next post on my skin care products!
6) Travel updates: 3 vacations last year.
Woot woot, I love travelling and I know everyone knows I do. So I went to Bandung, Indonesia early of the 2018. Seoul and Jeju Island in Korea and the end of 2018, and also Kuching, Sarawak in the middle of 2018. I enjoyed them so much that I feel like I wanna spend my whole life tracing the world! hahaha. Anyway, this year, I'll be starting off with Tawau, Sabah on mid January soon. I'm gonna fly to Semporna to meet my ex-housemate whom I miss so much! It'll be a reunion of Shipsters with Hajar and Kak Mas. Too bad that Ain can't join us along. But I'm looking forward to meet her and her baby Medina once they touch down Malaysia soon!
Last year, I talked a lot about how 2017 changed my views on certain issues. But this year, I think there's a lot of things that I manage to achieve and share with you guys. I will consider 2019 is another challenging year coz I think there would be another transition of life I need to experience. I am now in a job hunting and scholarship hunting for my phd. I hope for better days ahead and everything would fall in the perfect place and time. Be it my phd, getting a job, well yea even getting my future Tsukasa ;)
I reflect myself quite a lot nowadays. So I decided to write my monthly reflection and share it on my blog.
It is already November! Can't believe time really flew so fast that I can't even catch it up. And in 2 months time I am turning 25 years old. Ya Allah, I feel so old hahaha. Still in denial mood lol. My masters degree progression is not going so well though. I feel so out of the spirit, I do not know why. I lose sparks and I got bored now, lol. I know it is unhealthy but somehow that is how I feel. I started to get back on my pace last week after I worked hard on a program with the school kids. Somehow, Kuantan got so so hot that I ended up catching a fever. So my pace got burned turned into ashes. It got blew, and I could not find them anymore. I am struggling with having them back on track. I keep on delaying reading and studying. I got distracted quite a lot nowadays. Pheww, please someone tell me what I should do. I need someone to talk to perhaps? Someone who claimed he did not read my posts anymore. Yes, someone just like him, who wouldn't tired listening to my stories. He crosses my mind quite several time though. I am wondering how has he been doing. Sekarang musim grad, so did he finish with his degree too?
Anyway, it is not solely graduation season. It is the season of wedding ceremonies as well. You know life really gets to its another phase when you're getting older. This adulthood though, full of surprises and the world is getting scarier. I didn't feel this way right until I started to worry about my scholarships. money and how to pay my university fees etc. So we had this adulthood talk with my so called postgraduate friend since we both struggle on our experiments and results. Faiqah is planning to get married soon but when her study is still on going, and money turning into issue things get quite hard and she can't help herself being anxious. Well, everyone should including me. So I keep on praying and keep my 'tawakal-mode' on for as I read that tawakal need to come before effort comes, and then you need to keep on tawakal after your effort as well. That is how a Muslim should put on hopes and rely on Allah. So I am still waiting for my scholarship interview. Hopefully I got selected and will perform my interview session well. Hopefully Allah provide me with such Rezqi this time :)
When I was in the middle of my meeting last night, my school friend, Safy sent me a text. She screenshot an invitation of her ex wedding. She got invited through facebook though. So there was a question in which she asked "if it is your ex, would you invite them to your wedding?" So I responded, I was invited by that so-called guy 2 years ago but yeah I declined haha. It was a spontaneous action, my hand did it by itself lol. So Hafsah responded saying that she would. I told them I wanted to do the same, but we aren't friends on facebook anymore. Well maybe I would invite him through a friend just to let him know that "hey I can get married too and that's not you" sorta feeling ekekeke. But that's the thing, there's one particular guy that you can't even treat him like your normal guy friend anymore. Being practically a stranger is the perfect move!
It has been years and years that I left everything to become a better Muslim woman. To preserve myself and fight against my temporary feelings. When I first encounter such feelings, it was so hard that I ended up crying and get back to my feet. I did that over and over again. I was unable to use the things I received because you can't act like everything is fine when indeed you can't get him out of your head. As time heals, I am now proudly say I began to use part of the items I received and brought them along without thinking of the sender. I am glad that the used to be my 'worst moment' it slowly develop into a beautiful and calm life sensation now.
I freaked out when I 1st lost my black umbrella 3 years ago. And I got so mad when there's stain spot on my white jersey. After a while I didn't use them for quite sometimes except for the blue purse because I don't have any so I keep on using it until now. All of these things I can use them freely without any hard feelings in which I can act normal to the items yeay! Time heals, and people change. I still hope that you are still improving and be a good Muslim day by day. Obviously not for me, but for the ummah and our faith.
For the passed 24 years, you have worked hard in your life and you experienced a lot of bittersweet memories.
When things weren't on your way, you managed to get back up and fight for your battle.
You went through lots of things but eventually you accomplished your dreams and successfully graduated in your bachelor degree in one of the top university in Australia, well even the world!
You lost your strength for a while, because mom passed away when you needed inspiration and support the most but then everything were back on track. It took a little while to sort everything, and because it's you, you lifted yourself back.
6 years ago, you thought you were completely busted because enrolling in science stream was not your choice, but after all Allah knows the best. You are now a science master degree student in one of the most prestigious university in Malaysia. You are even blessed by a super cool supervisor.
You have this dream of becoming an English teacher in your school days and you thought you will never be one since you are now in science stream. Because it is you and the keen of spreading the knowledge you had, you were one of the kind now :) The feeling of satisfaction elevated you.
For the past 20 years, you learned about your faith but you never really feel the existence. But since tarbiyyah approached you 4 years ago, you are now growing to be a better muslimah every single day. You are now relying more on Allah the almighty. Keep growing and spread the beauty of this deen.
You were hurt deeply by a soul you treasure the most since you were at your teens. All those screenshots and morning messages were kept neatly in your photo albums for nearly three years. Maybe because you were afraid of missing it, but because you are this strong and this brave, you did not even open or even look at his facebook or even name to be specific. You deleted all about him and you are now completely move on. You told him that you will forget him, and now you really do. Way to go strong girl :)
You sometimes took people around you for granted, somebody who sometimes cares and really look after you. This 24 years old soul is now learning to be more appreciative. You are now free from the incomplete hopes, and now you are warmly welcoming new people in your life. You are now opening your heart again and now let's hope for a better future iAllah.
Dear 24 years old and 5 days me,
You have gone this far but still there is no promising future for you. So work hard.
Please love yourself, please concentrate to be a better you day by day. Be it your akhlaq, your ibadah, your health, your skin, your shoes, your clothes well everything! You won't feel contempt because you do it for yourself. You won't feel heart wrenching anymore thinking for other people. Thinking to work for a better ummah is the right way to do. Please don't carried away solely with a particular person. You have this big heart, do not let such tiny stuff overpowers your agenda.
#Future microbiologist is working hard #Future tsukasa in waiting too. Eh #Focus focus
Tetiba tajuk dalam bahasa jepun pulak hahaha. Saje nak highlight tema.
日本のドラマ means Nihon'nodorame/Japanese drama.
Orang kata kalau nak tengok drama atau movie kena selalu cari yang ada message. Susah nak cari movie/drama yang decent sekarang ni, huhu. Tapi aku selalu ada rasa yakin bila cerita tu cerita Jepun haha. Aku bukan bias sebab last name aku Tsukushi tau ekekeke tapi sebab cerita Jepun banyak cerita yang berkisarkan keluarga, percaya pada diri, karier, ah banyak la lagi sebenarnya.
Okay basically rangka cerita ni pasal seorang peguam yang workaholic, apply kerja kat satu syarikat ni sebagai peguam, lepastu tempoh working trial dia 3 bulan. Dalam tempoh ni jugak dia kena baby sit anak boss dia, pergi hantar amik dari sekolah, kadang tu kena ganti boss dia pergi events parents bagai. At the same time kena maintain kerja kt office. Power gila dia kerja, aku yang tengok pun rasa penat. Dan masa kat childcare tu, dia end up jumpa sorang bapak budak ni yang sangat sayangkan kanak-kanak. Famous dalam kalangan kanak-kanak, which is very opposite la dengan perempuan ni yang tak pandai layan budak etc.
Wakanaba (female character) hidup susah dari kecik so decide nak belajar betul-betul dan kerja keras untuk ubah nasib hidup dia la gitu. Sebab hidup susah dan asyik kena kejar dengan ceti haram, hari hari dia belajar, baca buku law sebab dia nak selamatkan diri dia, buat semua benda kena perfect. Akhirnya dia membesar dengan jadi keras kepala betul dan straight forward dan workaholic gila. Perempuan ni mmg materialistik la, impian nak jadi kaya raya sebab dulu dah lalu banyak benda yang menyakitkan so I can relate. Dia hanya tahu semua hidup kena by law dan setiap keputusan yang dia buat tu perlu didasari dengan otak. Kalau hati kau cakap lain, tapi otak rasa benda tu relevan, then ikutlah otakmu. Pergh, heart wrenching jugak cerita ni, sebab dia keep on denying apa yang dia rasa, pastuu ego gilaaa. Aku rasa macam nak menjerit je kat Wakanaba tu suruh dia faham sikit hati dia, dah kenapa nak ego sangat? hahaha
So dalam cerita ni ada watak lelaki, Sato yang sangat baik & softhearted. Sampaikan dia jadi single dad bukan sebab dia nak pun, tapi sebab terlalu baik. Mak budak tu mintak tolong jagakan anak dia sampai la end up dorang kawin, mak dia lari dengan lelaki negro pergi New York, tinggal la dorang dua terkontang-kanting. Sato ni orangnya memang divine la. Pure sangat. hari hari senyum, kalau bukan salah dia pun dia mintak maaf. Hidup dia cukup la dengan anak dia Pitaro tu. Impian dia nak jadi chef pun dia give up sebab komitmen dia kat Pitaro padahal bukan anak dia pun at the first place. Sebabkan kebaikan dia ni, semua benda dia rasa berkorban sebab asyik fikir orang lain. Dia ni pun sama, aku rasa nak jerit je suruh dia sort sikit diri dia & fight for what he wants.
In the end both character dapat manage weakness masing-masing, jujur dengan diri dorang dan berjaya jadi berani sikit despite rasa malu dorang.
Cerita ni banyak jugak isu-isu yang lain. Ada satu eps ni aku memang tersentuh betul. Aku ni dah la sensitip sikit dengan cerita yang ada kaitan dengan keluarga & ibu bapa. Ayah Wakanaba ni datang Tokyo sebab dapat cerita Wakanaba ni nak kawin dengan orang kaya dekat office dia. Ayah dia seronok bukan kepalang la sampai datang office Wakanaba tumpang truck kawan dia weh. Sebabkan Wakanaba ni malu since ayah dia orang susah, Wakanaba cepat-cepat halau dari office suruh tunggu kat rumah dia je. Aim Wakanaba ni kan nak jadi kaya, so dia memang aim laki kaya kat office tu. Masa ayah dia nak berangkat pulang, ayah dia kasi buku bank ayah dia yang dari dulu ayah dia simpan, bank in setiap tahun 2705 yen sampailah anak dia nak kawin. Ayah dia akan bank in masa birthday dia, dan 2705 yen tu sebenarnya merujuk kepada berat dia 2.705 kg. Ayah dia rasa ayah dia gagal jadi sorang bapak yang baik sebab tak dapat bagi kesenangan kat Wakanaba ni, tapi dia cuba yang terbaik supaya at least masa Wakanaba kawin, itulah benda yang dia dapat banggakan. Terus terbayang apa yang abah buat selama ni. Kasih ayah ni dia tak tunjuk je, tapi deep down inside dia sayang je kat kita. T.T aaaa sobss.
Banyak lagi highlight cerita ni, pasal hati seorang kanak-kanak yang nak perhatian ibu bapa, pasal impian and the list goes on. Menonton cerita begini kadang kala dapat membasahkan hati yang kering juga kan huhu. Mungkin sebab aku terlalu sibuk lately dan rasa takde 'me-time' utk refleksi diri
Kadang-kadang bila aku sorang sorang dan rasa macam kena recharge diri,selain dari cara conventional (rawatan jiwa to be specific;Quran, bangun malam etc) aku suka review balik cerita-cerita Jepun yang bagi aku naik semangat. Yang akhirnya mesej dia akan buat aku rasa, aku akan berjaya capai jugak kalau aku tak give up dan percaya pada diri. Cumanya mungkin la cerita Jepun ni kurang elemen ruhi/iman yang sebenarnya kalau kita nak capai sesuatu, kita kena rasa kejayaan kita dan usaha kita tu akan di'approve' oleh Dia, bukan solely depend on us =) Apa apapun, still kalau dia boleh buat kita dapat kumpulkan semangat untuk berusaha why not, right? Dan kerana itu juga, menonton setiap movie/drama itu juga perlulah dipandu dengan hati dan iman.
Bolehlah, kalau korang nak cari cerita ni:
Zenkai Girl/Full Throttle Girl :)
Real life and dramas are totally two different worlds. Even if you ask all the actresses and actors, they would say the same things. Ada sebab bila blog ni dibuka, awal-awal dah nampak yang jangan compare hidup ni dengan movie, because your is written by Allah, supaya dapat kurangkan sikit berangan tu. hahahaha. I mean it is essential to think about future, kan? But not when you started to think overboard.
Like what I just did these 2 days....
I should be writing my thesis chapter already, and read lots of journal. My supervisor want to see 50% improvement of the literature review in the next two weeks. However, I just wasted my 2 days weekend macam tu je. Aaaaa. Bad Syafiqa. Lazy Syafiqa >.<
This is entirely because of the things I watched. I've got addicted to this guy vlog that everytime when I log onto youtube to play some music videos I ended up watching his vidoes. Arghh, so frustrating!
Okay lemme tell you guys, I am so enthusiastic with trying new things. I think that was one of the reasons why once I was so eager to go to a boarding school and going overseas. It is not because of the stigma or the norm that those people are brilliant or whatsoever, simply because I wanna experience how does it feel to be in the situation myself.
And I had the same thought of finding my future spouse too. Well, I told my mom that I wanna marry somebody who is non-malay. And do you know how she reacted? She raised her voice and said NO. I tried explaining it would not be necessary be a mat salleh (I thought what fears her the most was the distance), it could be Malaysian chinese or any bumiputera from Sabah and Sarawak,lol but still the answered was : NEVER. The most awkward moment ever, coz I thought it would not be a very big deal, instead it was a massive stuff and a problem to her. To clear things: simply because I wanna know how a mix marriage would feel, the twist of the two cultures must be very exciting. You'll learn more about a particular race, even better if he is from different country, you'll learn about the nation too! I am also gonna be so excited to see how would my babies look like. How much will the kids take after me or the dad & analyzing the nature of their behavior and interests. It must be related to the one's blood line. And to have the kids with the dad's last name is also exciting to me. hehe. Is it interesting? Okay, I look overexcited that I can list things more. hehe.
So when I was in Adelaide, I encountered a cute Australian guy with hazel eyes and brown hair in my Shakespeare class (though I am a biomedical sc student, i was allowed to enroll literature subject as my elective in my 1st year of uni). He was so attractive to me to be frank. He was quite and his mysterious style had added some points to my curiosity. I always have no interests in my local classmates btw, but his eyes really caught my attention. Lemme put it in a simpler way for you gys to get better view. Pernah tengok Haley Joel Osment dalam cerita 6th sense?
They've got similar eyes!
Well, he look just like Haley but in a cooler style. He doesn't smile much too.
That's the huge difference I shall say.
Haley looks sweet and friendly in this picture.
To cut the story short, we need to perform an acting in the class. Surprisingly, we were in the same group. I was happy and told my mom on the phone on my way back to my house. She was so astonished that she nearly dropped the phone and said.
"Ya Allah ikaaa. kan mak dah cakap jangann"
Later, she continued with a dua:
"Ya Allah, biarlah anak aku ni kawin dengan orang Melayu"
I still remember it since I laughed so hard and I got teary myself. I found it so funny. My mom was very worried up to the extent whenever I mentioned about a white guy and told her he is quite good looking, she would went all anxious trying to make another dua for me. hehehe
Thanks mom. I appreciate it, since I went back to Malaysia all alone.
Just recently, as I worked so hard in the lab and seeking serenity from youtube, I stumbled upon a youtube channel which glorify back my desires haha! I mean this guy is so interesting! The 1st video I watched of him was about his adoption stories. A korean, who was adopted at a very young age in America. Well, he was originally born in Korea but raised in America. He looks like a pan-asian guy though. Most probably because he was raised in America well I don't know. It could be. Things that drives my fondness is about his personality when he looks like a mix-blood, his English is good, I don't know about his Korean though, but he sounds fluent to me haha, and his life story is quite interesting. When I heard about it, it feels like watching a korean drama that really exist haha. I subscribed his channel and ended up watching most of his video especially the mukbang. You know I am so into food, then oh why did you have so much videos about it T.T
Ps: He is actually an eye candy. hehe
That is how it goes to another youtube channel I subscribed! Well as for this one, she is originally from America, she was so keen of Korea because of the food at first and decided to migrate to Korea later on. When she reached Korea, she taught english for the kindergarten and started to build up her life in Korea from scratch! Waww, I like it seeing people who breaks the norm, going for a big thing in life and do not afraid to take risks. She is so bright and cheerful too. It makes me happy just to watch her. This is very inspiring though, Allah has created us people to know each other, remember? :')
Megan just know how to look happy!
hahaha
So what do I plan in the future for a better challenges and culture experiences?
Enrolling Japanese language course for the meantime.
Applied for an English teacher vacancies in Japan after my masters degree.
Tak tak, bukan sebab sedih ke heart broken sampai tak boleh tidur eceh haha tapi sebab dah tidur sepanjang hari since baru pagi ni je sampai kuantan dari ipoh. Minggu ni balik Kuale wei. hehehe. Pergh, rosak plan aku yang nak masuk lab. Konon dah dapat tidur dalam bus pastu nak pergi kuliyyah terus akhirnya kecundang di atas katil.
I think I have a very productive weekend kat rumah. Most of my checklist semua settle dan yang paling best I have my kitchen back! So #mysiblinggoals was to make dakjjim (braised chicken with vege) & japchae(glass noodles and stir fried vege). Ni korean food lah tapi. Initial plan nk buat bibimbap tapi masa nk purchase gochujang tu dia ada rice wine pulak for preservative i guess. Dan bila balik rumahhari tu, cream cheese dengan peanut butter still ada yang beli masa buat kuih duluu sebab adik buat tak tahu je dengan bahan2 yang ada tu -.-' So yeah, here it goes my random peanut butter cheesecake lol. Nanti kalau ada masa aku upload recipe k. Kemain hahaha. Tengok video maangchi tu je pungg berguru dalam youtube tu hah. Tapi video maangchi tu sangatlah addictive yang aku boleh revise banyak kali tgk video yang sama tu yang aku tak paham -___- Mungkin sebab english dia cute sangat kottt
Aku mengadu dan craving macam macam kan, hehe. Nak masak itu ini semua dan akhirnya berjaya. Siap tepon abah lagi beforehand suruh beli ikan sebab I'm a fish & seafood lover. Abah kata dia beli ikan udang sotong ketam semua tu dah dekat seratus haha tapi ennn, habis semua aku masak kot. Siap bawak balik uia lagi, jadi harini makan bekal masak sendiri je. Actually setiap kali aku bawak bekal masak sendiri nak balik kampus ke apa ke, mesti aku terkilan dan teringat mak sebab she used to pack lunchbox to us. Aku ingat lagi bekal terakhir yang mak masak untuk aku dulu, bawal masak sambal dengan sayur lemak kuning. Ni mak bekalkan kat aku sebelum balik 2nd year duluu. Makan sebelum nak naik flight :(
Anyway, opah admitted this week. Please pray for her health. She is after my mom and dad. I was glad that I went back at the moment when I was needed. Initial plan nak balik sebab nak settle banyak benda pergi bank bagai buat visa lagi dan...another bestfriend bertunang. Tapi cantik juga Allah susun, takde program tarbiyah minggu ni so boleh lah balik kampung. Patut rasa macam nak balik je dan alhamdulillah, opah dah dapat keluar hospital dan aku sangat bersyukur. Aku sangat respect dengan wancik & pakcik yang sentiasa ada untuk jaga pah. Wancik hari hari hantar lauk kat pah dan jenguk tok dengan pah yang dah tak banyak daya. Memang penat jaga orang sakit, been there tapi percayalah wancik & pakcik, syurga buat anak soleh. MashaAllah besarnya sangatt pahala tu :) Masa borak borak dengan pah, pah banyak kali cakap pah dah rasa macam mak dulu. Dah takde kudrat. Nak bangun jalan semua pun dah tak larat. Hati rasa sayu sangat T.T sebab teringat masa masa mak tengah bertarung nyawa. Rindu usah cerita la. Walaupun dah dekat 2 tahun mak takde, banyak sangat benda rasa nak bagi tahu mak. Iqa dah sambung master, iqa dah dapat tarikh grad, so abah, kak yang dengan adik akan pergi Adelaide sekali. Tapi lagi best kalau mak ada :(
Mak, I hope you're proud of me. And I have abah alone now. I want to be a pious daughter for both of you because I think that's the biggest effort I can make to show my deepest love for you I love you mak & abah. Lillahitaala.
It's almost 4 months I'm here in Kuantan. At first I thought Kuantan is just a normal capital city for nothing can beat Ipoh hehe. Ipoh is a city which has better facilities and entertainments more than Kuala Kangsar, obviously but less crowded than Kuala Lumpur. Therefore I always find Ipoh is the perfect place to hang around and have fun with my family. Nonetheless, it has been appointed to be one of the top city by lonely planet which even strengthen my thoughts about it. When I asked my brother in law who spends half of his life living in Kuantan about the attractions here, he always put me down because he knows nothing much. I bet this is due to he studied in a boarding school before so when the school holiday came, being at home is the best option rather than wandering around Kuantan.
Frankly, I was quite lonely when I first came here. I know no one else except for my supervisors and everything was at its very awkward state -__- I struggled with its different system from my former uni and I was so dumb about the semester too. I had nooo idea what short semester is. And when my supervisor and a master student was away for a week, I felt homesick! IIUM just felt so empty without them hahaha. Now I know what loneliness is, I began to look for some new friends and trying to do something new.
Today was my first day of swimming session. At some point I am glad that I am destined to be here in IIUM instead of other universities because I know they do practice healthy interaction between genders. The gym and the pool were all genders friendly and what I like the most is the vibe of spreading positive and inspirational Islamic teachings. I like it when you came to the entrance and 99 of Allah names keep on approaching you all the way to mahallah. I love it too when someone sees you walking alone in the campus, they will offer you a ride :) And I like it when everybody around you addressing each other with sisters and brothers. Well, we do this a lot in Adelaide too but since we interacted in English so it seemed normal for us using that phrase. But I found it so special when you're using it here. It's like people respect each other more. Tomorrow is going to be another session of my gym routine. I think I started to enjoy my life here now. I feel happy and keen to look forward for my days ahead.
While I think I've fall for my current university already, Kuantan is treating me well too! Recently, I met a phd student from UPM and this kakak is doing her attachment over here. Whenever she came here, she brought me to lots of good places and food too! I went to a stall yesterday selling deep fried seafood. We had the seafood and some otak-otak and sata. Surprisingly, everything was good! I discovered good shopping places and went to a beach. My halaqah friends said Kuantan is a place to be explored so I have trust in this city now since I've seen the other side of it slowly despite of what my brother in law said hahaha.
I just hope that for the upcoming days, months and years I have to spend here, I can make good memories and be happy like I was in Adelaide. I'm not going to stay here forever but I'll make sure I have the best one.
Dan Wan Syafiqa, semoga istiqamah dengan gym dan swimming. lol
2 3 hari sebelum Ramadhan penuh juga la newsfeed dengan post budak budak yang tak balik kampung lagi meratapi tak balik kampung kena berbuka dengan kawan kawan yang kat kolej sebab Ramadhan jatuh pada hari dorang periksa. Kesiannya. Hihi.
Belum tengok yang kat oversea tu lagi. Sayu lagi weh. Nasib baik aku dah practise 3 tahun dulu siap siap, sado dah la sikit hati ni sebab pi berbuka puasa kat mesjid Ramadhan pertama, makanan dah licin kau. Kemain eksited sebab dapat puasa Ramadhan pertama kat sini. Sekali habis. Ter-syahdu pula malam tu, tapi tetap bersyukur sebab kat Malaysia je yang boleh rileks lalalala sampai tengah malam pun boleh dapat makanan lagi.
Anyway, Sekarang dah Ramadhan kelima. Cepat je masa berlalu kan? :')
Dan pada Ramadhan yang kedua, aku terima lagi satu berita kematian cikgu Kimia sekolah sains dulu. Serius, aku sangat terkedu dengan berita tu. Cikgu aku ni sangat muda, baru umur 31 tahun. Dia baru je berkahwin 3 ke 4 tahun lepas, dan sekarang ada anak kecil. Umur dalam 2 tahun kot, memang comel gila lah anak dia. Pernah la jugak dok stalk cikgu aku tu sebab nak tengok anak dia je. huhu. Aku lega sikit bila dapat tahu yang wife dia cikgu jugak. Kalau kes kes macam ni dan wife tak kerja, benda tu buat aku lagi sayu kot. Hilang mata pencarian ingat senang ke nak cope? T.T Emotionally unstable lagi. Ya, aku pun pernah merasai kehilangan.
Cikgu aku ni berbadan agak besar, dan dikhabarkan yang dia ada diabetes. Kalau orang nak diagnose dia melalui size badan mesti akan agak sudden cardiac death ke, or heart attack. Tapi rupanya dia meninggal dunia sebab ada jangkitan kuman kat otak. Sebelum tu dia memang dah demam lama dah, dan katanya ada bisul kat kepala. Tak lama lepas boleh discharge dari hospital, dia dijemput untuk menemui pencipta.
Nampak tak ajal tu perkara yang pasti? Ajal tu tak mengira umur? Dan ajal tu rahsia Allah? Kita mungkin fikir yang kalau kita ada penyakit penyakit tertentu kita pasti akan meninggal disebabkan penyakit ni. Tapi hakikatnya Allah lebih mengetahui, sebab tu Allah suruh kita sentiasa usaha. Ikhtiar selagi boleh dan tawakal/kebergantungan kita kat Allah tu melebihi segalanya.
Pernah dengar tak hadis tentang husnuzon kita kat Allah?
Dari Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi dan Ibn Majah, diriwayatkan oleh Abu Hurairah r.a: Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: “Allah s.w.t berfirman: Aku adalah berdasarkan kepada sangkaan hambaKu terhadapKu. Aku bersamanya ketika dia mengingatiKu. Apabila dia mengingatiKu dalam dirinya, nescaya aku juga akan mengingatinya dalam diriKu. Apabila dia mengingatiKu di majlis, nescaya Aku juga akan mengingatinya di dalam suatu majlis yang lebih baik daripada mereka. Apabila dia mendekatiKu dalam jarak sejengkal, nescaya Aku akan mendekatinya dengan jarak sehasta. Apabila dia mendekatiKu sehasta, nescaya Aku akan mendekatinya dengan jarak sedepa. Apabila dia datang kepadaKu dalam keadaan berjalan seperti biasa, nescaya Aku akan datang kepadanya seperti berlari-lari kecil.”
Setiap kali aku baca hadis ni, mesti hati aku jadi hati tisu. Entah kenapa rasa macam Allah sayang sangat kat kita. Kau bayang la, kita dekatkan diri kita sikit je, Allah dah berlari lari kat kita. Tinggi lagi kita berharap kat dia, lagi tinggi dan lagi suka dia nak dengar ritihan dan doa kita tu. Hei, apasal sweet sangat ni? T.T
Hadis ni berbicara tentang apa yang kita sangka dengan Allah. Jadi macam mana keyakinan dan percaya kita dengan takdir, nikmat dan rezeki yg bakal kita terima, begitulah yang kita dapat. Macam mana pula nak dapat keyakinan yang mantap ni? Mestilah dengan iman yang kuat!
Okay, pernah tak rasa tetiba kita macam persoalkan, "betul ke ni Allah nak bagi?Ye ke?" Hilang dah yakin kat situ.
Haaa. Cuba tengok balik sejauh mana kita mengingati Dia?
Orang yang beriman ni semakin tinggi harapan dia, semakin tinggi juga pergantungan dia kat Allah. Jadi, kalau Allah takdirkan sesuatu bukan seperti yang diharapkan, Dia masih boleh mampu tersenyum dan redha dengan ketentuan Allah sebab setiap perkara yang Allah rancang itulah yang terbaik untuk dia. Pasti akan ada hikmah. Setiap apa yang kita minta, mesti Allah timbang-tara kan. kerana Dia maha tahu, dan nakkan yang terbaik untuk hambaNya. Sayangnya Dia kat kitaaa :')
Jadi akhi ukhti,
ikhwah akhwat,
saudara saudari..
Ramadhan ni masa yang terbaik untuk kita perbaiki hubungan kita dengan Dia. Wallahi, roh Ramadhan ni bukan main refreshing ya. Ni antara kita dengan nafsu je ni. Istimewanya Ramadhan ni, Allah bagi keberkatan masa. Dan nak buat amal ibadah pun terasa senang je.
Yang masih berada di tanah suci mekah, saya doakan agar awak dapat mengekalkan momentum ibadah dah meningkatkan cintamu terhadap Illahi. Itu tanah para anbiya', bukan semua orang Allah jemput untuk menjadi tetamu Dia.
Sungguh saya juga rindu untuk kembali ke masjidil haram.
Sekiranya perkara itu berlaku, mungkin saya akan menangis kerinduan mengenangkan kenangan bersama arwah mak.
Setiap inci saya bersama mak, senyuman mak gembira melihat kaabah, bersama mak ke setiap pejuru tempat mustajab berdoa dan melihat kesungguhan mak berdoa begitu meruntunkan jiwa.
Allah, kurniakan dia Syurgamu. Tempatkan dia bersama orang-orang beriman. Jauhkan dia dari azab kubur dan azab api neraka.
I keep on telling myself, not to fall on anyone. Over and over again. I think I was trying to run away from any of those so called 'borang'. But in a way, I think I'm still reserving myself for him. And at the same time, I'm thinking hard not to trade my dakwah & tarbiyah for a spouse. So I need to find someone who has the same mission and goal cause I wanna have a family with big vision with strong islamic basis. Though I'm not sure how he's been doing right now, deep down inside I'm still waiting. Kadang-kadang selalu jugak belek2 gambar & some screen shots bila dah mcm em, rindu sikit? haha. Wahai hatii, tak serik serik lagi ke dikau? Tak paham dengan diri sendiri kadang tu sbb dah setahun berlalu beb. Hello, bukak mata sikit o_o
So yeah, hmm
Sebenarnya saya nak awak tahu, bila saya ulang-ulang beritahu awk saya nk pegi usrah & life is all about pleasing Him. Saya teringinn sangat nak ajak awak rasa apa yang saya rasa ni. Bila berkumpul berbicara tentang tuhan, saling ingat mengingati, berukhwwah kerana Allah, the feeling is so peaceful. Mungkin kerana kita kembali pada fitrah kita, jiwa dimana suka kan kebaikan dan jiwa yang dahagakan kasih sayang tuhan. Kepada awak yang saya masih harapkan, :') hidup ni tak lama kan? kadang-kadang mungkin ajal jemput kita dulu dari jodoh yang menjemput. Sebelum saya bertemu hadiah which I reckoned sangat sangat bermakna ni, saya pun mcm orang biasa. Tak tahu ultimate goal dalam hidup, bila orang masuk uni, saya pun nak masuk, bila orang dapat kerja bagus, saya pun nk jugak. Tapi hidup saya mcm robot je, hari hari buat benda yang sama, putaran dan kitaran yang tak pernah habis. Ultimate goal saya ni, hidup untuk mati je ke? Dah hidup, mati dan masuk kubur? Camtu je? K, Saya lupa yang ada akhirat menanti. Sampailah saya jumpa ayat Quran tentang matlamat hidup kita dan kenapa kita diciptakan. Ialah untuk menjadi khalifah dan beribadat kepada Allah [2;30] Masa tu saya rasa mcm baru dilahirkan, barulah tahu dengan jelas apa benda yang saya kena buat.
Saya suka sangat tengok awak kerja. Awak banyak buat part time besides studying and you're a productive person. Tapi saya sedih bila awak kerja kuat kuat tapi, awak bangun subuh lambat :( kalau nk diikutkan hati mmg saya nk kejut je awak every morning supaya awak tak miss subuh awak. Tapi kita kan dah ada boundaries. Ya, betul. Awak punya sifat yang ada pada seorang pemuda mcm saya belajar dalam daurah. Himmah aliyah awak sgt tinggi. Awak sangat bersemangat & you're strong. Tu kan ciri ciri seorang pemuda? Kan best kalau orang mcm awak ni dapat buat dakwah sama sama mcm saya. Sibuk kerana pencipta bukan semata mata duniawi? :) Saya sedih juga bila saya baru balik program, belajar mcm2 nk tingkatkan kualiti sbg seorang muslimah, awak tgh tgk series dalam bilik. Bukan nk kata takleh tgk, tak. Cuma kan best kalau free time awk tu awak salurkan kearah yang lebih baik. Dakwah, p program sama sama, nak? :)
Bila saya ulang ulang kat awak, kan lebih baik qiyam dari main game dgn kawan? Bila saya tanya, duduk rumah kawan buat apa? dan dapat jawapan tgk bola dan main game je, to be honest rasa kecewa sikit dan hancus skit lah hati ni. huhu. overnyaa -.- kepada awak yang saya masih harapkan, saya teringin nk tgk awk hidupkan masa masa sebelum subuh, pegi masjid mcm selalu awak buat. tu pun dah cukup buat saya happy dah :) Saya nk tgk awak yang punya jiwa besar spt sultan muhammad al fateh yang berjaya menawan konstantinopel suatu masa dulu at the age of 22! Awakk, umat dah tenatt. saya takut on the next 20 years apa yang akan berlaku. takut nk fikir. saya taknak generasi saya hidup dalam keadaan islam jadi taruhan. No, I don't want things like that to happen T.T Bila saya kata kat awak sy uruskan program ni prgam tu, bukan maksud saya, saya ni gila organisasi atau gila nk berpogram! tapi sbb hati & jiwa saya perlukan makanan2 rohani. Penat awak, ye penat. tapi penat yang at the same time puas sbb join majlis ilmu dan sumbang tenaga kepada perkara yang buat Allah pandang kita tinggi. Awak, jomlah jadi famous & sebutan sebutan penghuni langit :)
Awak, hidup kita ni pun kena dipandu dengan Quran. Jadi, bacalah Quran yang saya bagi tu. Besar harapan saya bila saya bagi Quran tu kat awak. Saya nak awak rasa yang pentingnya hidup kita dengan Quran. Saya nak awak dan saya menambahkan generasi generasi yang membaca dan hafal Quran. Though saya masih lagi merangkak2 menghabiskan hafalan juzuk 30, dan nk melangkah ke juzuk 29, saya harap awk pun mcm tu. Bacalah Quran everyday. Allah suka & Al-Quran akan menjadi pembela kita kt akhirat nanti. Buat ya?
Buat awak yang saya masih harapkan,
this post is written with the hope that you'll realize that in this life there's an important thing to do. You'll left all behind bila dah jelas dengan our ultimate goal. I won't stop praying till I feel there's no hope between us, at all.
Dah, sekarang dah tenang sikit. Sebab, lepas apa yang terpendam kot? hm.
Assalamualaikum everyone :)
I hope things are well for everyone. Lama kan tak update blog? Lama sangat rasa tak jadi jemah membebel sorang sorang kat sini lol. Sian jemah tak pasal nama dia up, heh.
To tell everyone the truth, right after my final exams, a day after that, dad came to visit. Yeay abah dah sampai adelaide :D I was happy tapi tak sangka pulak abah makan banyak gila, tak henti henti dia nak makan je. Dah nama pun student, mmg ikat perut lah jawabnya. Sehari makan sekali je main meal yang lain tu semua makan jajan. hahaha. Dah tu kena after exam, lagi lah kurang makan. Terkejut kejap bila abah asyik nak makan, so masak byk gila dalam 2 weeks tu. Tu pun abah kata dia tak puas makan. haha. Mana nk sama makan kt aussie dgn mesia. Reason dia, bila sejuk, lapar. Padahal masa tu dah spring dah hewhew. Agaknya kalau waktu winter lagi teruk lah syndrome abah ni.
2015 was full of research, assignments, presentations not to forget tarbiyah. It was a productive year I reckon, alhamdulillah. I began to know lots of things and tried many things. Completed most of my 2015 check list alhamdulillah except for going to a gym! So next year kena renew balik azam tahun ni. hehe. 2016 is another challenge for me. I'm done with my degree dah. Terima kasih buat yang sentiasa mendoakan, sentiasa igt tarikh exam dan wish setiap kali exam espc orang yang jauh dok nun di Spain. Hehe. Sorry, I tend to forget your important dates ;/ had no intention but anyways I wish you to have a great one :)
So IAllah I'll be starting my new year tomorrow with something good going on. A pre-departure programme & lepas tu straight program sampai 12hb. Moga moga permulaan tahun baru yang baik leads to a good 2016 :)
So Wan Syafiqa kena ada jiwa & hati yang baru tau. Tak boleh malas malas. Kalau futur sebab tak dijaga rapi mcm kat adelaide, biarlah sekejap je benda tu. Sado sikit hati tu k. Awak tak mcm orang lain, punya ibu bapa, awak ada abah je sekarang. Jangan nak mengada sedih ke apa kalau abah tak dapat nk hantar kt campus in first day of masters, bus kan ada. Abah has done so much so berkorban skit angkat beg berat2, panas2 skit dan jgn nk touching kalau abah tak call. Awak yg call abah dulu k. Lepasni kena sign up for gym. Wan Syafiqa kena sihat. Be more beneficial to people. Get your blog with pages on travelog and some recipes you've made :) Give more, expect less. Read oftens espc buku buku fikrah and please remember important dates. Get yourself a planner! Kena jaga masa, be punctual and be proactive. Reply people texts, respond on group whatsapp if ada apa2 program. Never give up anything. Andd...do not fall for anyone.
Welcome 2016. I hope 2016 is a beautiful year :)
You can do this. Yosh!
Less than 3 weeks from now. But I'm still stumbled upon on lots of things. Second semester of Adelaide Uni is always different. We only had hectic 12 weeks which drive everyone insane. So I have my final submission this coming Monday, and another big test this coming Friday. The test which determines my overall grade for this semester. Adelaide is getting hotter since spring is coming. And Jacarandas are start blooming everywhere means that exam is approaching you!
6th Nov - Integrated Physiology
10th Nov- Biochemistry
17th Nov - Microbiology
I'm writing with the hope that people who is currently ready would pray for my exam. This is just my last semester. I just need to pass this and then I'm done! Moga Allah mudahkan, moga Allah beri yang terbaik. Doakan ya :)
