Monthly Reflection

Assalamualaikum peeps.

I reflect myself quite a lot nowadays. So I decided to write my monthly reflection and share it on my blog.

It is already November! Can't believe time really flew so fast that I can't even catch it up. And in 2 months time I am turning 25 years old. Ya Allah, I feel so old hahaha. Still in denial mood lol. My masters degree progression is not going so well though. I feel so out of the spirit, I do not know why. I lose sparks and I got bored now, lol. I know it is unhealthy but somehow that is how I feel. I started to get back on my pace last week after I worked hard on a program with the school kids. Somehow, Kuantan got so so hot that I ended up catching a fever. So my pace got burned turned into ashes. It got blew, and I could not find them anymore. I am struggling with having them back on track. I keep on delaying reading and studying. I got distracted quite a lot nowadays. Pheww, please someone tell me what I should do. I need someone to talk to perhaps? Someone who claimed he did not read my posts anymore. Yes, someone just like him, who wouldn't tired listening to my stories. He crosses my mind quite several time though. I am wondering how has he been doing. Sekarang musim grad, so did he finish with his degree too?

Anyway, it is not solely graduation season. It is the season of  wedding ceremonies as well. You know life really gets to its another phase when you're getting older. This adulthood though, full of surprises and the world is getting scarier. I didn't feel this way right until I started to worry about my scholarships. money and how to pay my university fees etc. So we had this adulthood talk with my so called postgraduate friend since we both struggle on our experiments and results. Faiqah is planning to get married soon but when her study is still on going, and money turning into issue things get quite hard and she can't help herself being anxious. Well, everyone should including me. So I keep on praying and keep my 'tawakal-mode' on for as I read that tawakal need to come before effort comes, and then you need to keep on tawakal after your effort as well. That is how a Muslim should put on hopes and rely on Allah. So I am still waiting for my scholarship interview. Hopefully I got selected and will perform my interview session well. Hopefully Allah provide me with such Rezqi this time :)

When I was in the middle of my meeting last night, my school friend, Safy sent me a text. She screenshot an invitation of her ex wedding. She got invited through facebook though. So there was a question in which she asked "if it is your ex, would you invite them to your wedding?" So I responded, I was invited by that so-called guy 2 years ago but yeah I declined haha. It was a spontaneous action, my hand did it by itself lol. So Hafsah responded saying that she would. I told them I wanted to do the same, but we aren't friends on facebook anymore. Well maybe I would invite him through a friend just to let him know that "hey I can get married too and that's not you" sorta feeling ekekeke. But that's the thing, there's one particular guy that you can't even treat him like your normal guy friend anymore. Being practically a stranger is the perfect move!

It has been years and years that I left everything to become a better Muslim woman. To preserve myself and fight against my temporary feelings. When I first encounter such feelings, it was so hard that I ended up crying and get back to my feet. I did that over and over again. I was unable to use the things I received because you can't act like everything is fine when indeed you can't get him out of your head. As time heals, I am now proudly say I began to use part of the items I received and brought them along without thinking of the sender. I am glad that the used to be my 'worst moment' it slowly develop into a beautiful and calm life sensation now. 

I freaked out when I 1st lost my black umbrella 3 years ago. And I got so mad when there's stain spot on my white jersey. After a while I didn't use them for quite sometimes except for the blue purse because I don't have any so I keep on using it until now. All of these things I can use them freely without any hard feelings in which I can act normal to the items yeay! Time heals, and people change. I still hope that you are still improving and be a good Muslim day by day. Obviously not for me, but for the ummah and our faith.

Take care!