The harder I try, the harder I FALL.

Dear Mr A,

The moment I received your text yesterday, you really screwed up my mood. I was watching movies when I realized that my phone was vibrating. I don't know how to inter prate my feelings lately. I think that I am getting over you. I think I did that but NOT after receiving your text yesterday. It's killing me. Yeah, it does. I wasn't sleepy at that time. I'm sorry. I lied. It just that I really can't resist any conversation with you right now. I can't talk to you anymore. Please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore.You said that this decision made is good for both side. It's a wise decision for me, but it isn't a good one at my side. Frankly, who ever said that forgetting you is easy? I guess that's only easy for you. But not for me. I couldn't deny saying that I'm still thinking about you everyday. Recalling of what you did and said everyday. It's even hard to admit that we are now friends. I've decided that I don't wanna be anyone for you. Neither a friend, nor somebody. If you wanna see me having a totally forgetting you and deleting you in my life, please don't ever contacting me. Sometimes, i wonder. Am I mad at you? That's your main concern after shattering my whole world? Mad for what? Breaking my heart? Or for all the lies? Maybe for letting me put all my trust in you only to be betrayed? How about the fact you didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face? Or the way you think it's crazy that I'm crying over it cause to you breaking up is no big deal. Am I mad at you?... no. More like crushed... did I ever really know you? I need to trash you, or otherwise I'm not going to taste happiness in my life. I'm sick of boys. You have disappointed me twice, and I hope there won't be thrice.

I am none like you who tend to have this feelings which is easily fade away. Mine is not weak as yours, mine is more powerful than you ever imagine. Mine is stronger and it takes time to vanish it. I'm sorry. I can't handle this. I'm trying but it doesn't work now. Maybe later. Promise ya I'll fight for this feeling. I'll get over you soon. I will.

I know I'm not completely over him. He still crosses my mind several times a day, but with each one of those times, a feeling of contempt also passes through my heart. Maybe if this happens enough, my heart will become completely hardened to him, and I'll get to the point where he doesn't affect me anymore

HE the almighty, has set up my destiny,
all i've got to do is praying for my best,
" closer me to him if he is my soul mate,
and if he doesn't, please let this feeling go away,
without letting me hurt no more "

Somebody whom I love n RESPECT.

My today's post is specially dedicated to..

My super duper Captain's house. :)
Muhammad Hafiz Aliazizi b. Mohd Tawfid

My 1st sight on u ;
Time tuhh kita kt dewan. Cikgu suh budak2 kelas Silver bangun. Suh kita tgk kwn2 satu kelas. Dah usya dak perempuan, I turned to boys, I saw you.
" wahh, ada dak good looking dalam kelas aku, ohh.. dia bendahara jgak rupanya. "
notes : dlu nama rumah bukan phoenix lg. hanya BENDAHARA. hehe


My 1st impression ;
arif dak kelantan suh msing2 perkenalkn diri. haha. igt lg bdk tue. kelakar btol.
Suddenly, kau dilantik as :
KETUA KELAS 4 SILVER
n aku plak :
PENOLONG KETUA KELAS 4 SILVER
haiyoo.. aku dah la dr skola semua perempuan. nk deal ngn boys ni agk mnjd masalah aku. huhu. xp xpe. slow2 saja. huhu

My 2nd thought ;
Tyme tuh kt dining hall. Kte tgh deal satu MKT untuk hari guru. ohh, sungguh menyiksakan. Kau pnggil aku nk bincang psl keceriaan kelas. aku suh ko lukis kt atas note pad aku. Tgn ko berketar2 kot. haha. klakar. Aku suh ko relax. pastu ko gelak. Cute. hahaha

Getting Closer ;
Ada satu masa tue aku igt lg. Ko panggil aku " wan.. ohh.. wan " erkk, meremang aku sbb suare ko tyme tuh agk lmbut. 1st tyme kot dak laki pnggil aku cmtue. almaklumlah, dlu ane pernah dgr suare budak laki dlm kelas. hahaha. n.. last year tyme tuhh. Ko penah janji nk nyanyi kt aku. So, there's one night after exam, ko nyanyi kt aku. tyme tu fahmi ad sekali. lagu I drive myself crazy.
".... I drive myself crazy wanting u the way that i do.. " wahh, sedap ouhh suare. huhu

On the next year ;
Last year ko da mmg jdi house captain da. and this year, I am again choosen to be your deputy. Haihh, bekerja dgn ko lg. Aku igt g tyme kte smea same2 memerah otak untuk lagu rumah, lagu sorak, motto, logo.. Ko present tyme tuhh mcm nk menari. Nervous punya psl. haha. Tp nsib bek skrng ko da ok. Relaks je ckp kt depan. wahh, way to go ! :)

Sports day ;
Tyme tuhh aku sgt berbangga dgn pencapaian rumah kte. 16 golds! perghh.. And tyme aku tgk ko lari. perghh, ko berusaha btol. Terharu aku. Sorry la. I'm not good at sports. Major aku debates aje lahh, Pidato ke.. Chess ke. Tue baru lahh aku Boleh. Huhu. nk uat cmne. Aku menang chess ngn Bakhtiar and Pidot tau. heh. ^^ Act, aku boleh je lari pecut.. tp malu. xbese lari depan laki. Seriously. x tipoo.. =.=' Penat jgak lahh mlm tue kteorg tido pkul 4 kot nk siapkn smea props2 utk phoenix utk perbarisan. Blik2 skola je tyme tuehh, aku tdo cm gler. haha. Smppy maghrib pon aku xg surau. hoho

KESUMA ;
Tyme kt KESUMA, tidak kusangka. Kte satu rumah. n.. satu kamar plak uhh. aiyyaa.. Muka ko lg?? haha. Risau kot aku tgk ko xleh adapt ngn bdk2 kamar len. xpe at least ko ad aku. hehe. Ngn pompuan pon ko ssh nk ckp. Smpy name Zaza yg dak STF yg jd pair ko tue pon ko lpe. Bape kali tanye aku.. adeyh. haha. Wehh, kt KESUMA ramai kott bdk yg minat ko. Pas dorg tau ko boss aku smea malu. hak3. xpe. Aku simpan rahsia dorg. keh2.

Board Rumah ;
Tu diaa, abah sampai jumpa PKR tyme uhh ckp sal nie. Dy kata kalo jumpa captain cm xjln je. Kene berleter plak ngn abah. Kteorg dgr jea. Pastu Nuha, Syikin da bengang2 ngn Kr msing2. Kteorg jumpa korg dpn aspura. Sampai afif kate " da ready nk kene berleter da ni.. " haha. sorry la. aku byk berleter kt ko. Ko dgr jea. Nasib bek xmrh. huhu. Thanks. ^^

High Table ;
Tyme tuhh agak bercelaru. Tp xpe, on the surface it looks good. Xpe. Mlm tue aku enjoy gak la. Lepas ko suap aku kek uhh, gosip berleluasa smpy sekarang. Adik2, kami xde apa2 ok. Sekadar kwn biasa. :) trimas yaa, saayaangg dak2 phoenix. Thanks for the frame. ^^

dear ezz,

it was nice to know you. i put so much efforts to let the house face the victory. and i know you did it too. well, pardon me if i've done mistakes and somehow my words might hurts you. I have no intention ok ? I'll treausure the moments we shared in bringing the house on top. ;) Meeting you, knowing you, teasing you, looking at you blushing, talking to you, hearing you calling me, your order, your high hopes gaze, your eyes with relief. I think phoenix, makes me know you better. Well i love phoenix, so does you. I respect this friendship so does you. =)

yours sincerely,
wan syafiqa meor hissan
deputy house captain of phoenix '10

The HOLIDAY spent. ;)

Seriously, the vacation was really hilarious ! Well, my life now is nothing without friends. Thanks a lot my dear friends. Enjoyable! I couldn't argue more. It was yeahh. nice. I'm carving for stuffs like that. hee~

Day 1 ;

On the evening :
Departed from Penang Central to island. We boarded the ferry to reached island at 11.15 a.m i guess. and took the bus to reach Syahirah's house. smpai rumah syera, usah cerita lahh. aku da start lapar. So, mee jawa was ready to be eaten. I got the largest bowl. haha. So, I'm full. Finger lickin good. ;) Done zohor's prayer. Pakai kasut n continue our journey. Amik bas pg komtar. Shop. Shop. Shop. =D Although I am not good at yeah shopping (as mom doesn't implement it since i was a kid. she said, but only what you need, not what you want.) i was enjoying myself looking at stuffs and window shopping. so we decided to buy shirt written ' I love penang ' on it. I bought a bracelet which i thought nice enough on me. Tgh plih2 gelang..

" Kamu semua budak2 u ahh? " uncle tu tanye dgn dielect cina dy. hehe
" Bukan larh uncle. Kami bru F.5 "
" Aiya. Ya ka? kamu semua nampak pandai. "
=.=' matured sgt kot. haha

Done with bracelet, glasses shop. =)) waa.. Najwa n Miera was so excited looking at em. While me? I couldn't wear it. Or else, I'm gonna hit something in front of me because I couldn't see without my spectacles with power lenses okayy. Sorry guys, couldn't join ya. huhu. Starting praying asar and move on to Padang Kota Lama with Kak Tin. Taking pictures of course. :) The view was really beautiful. And Kak Tin treated me with mee sotong and coconut milkshake. Awww, that was really2 good. tasty I tell ya. should try. hehe. I've also got the chances to ride a beca. hak2. sgt menenangkan. it took rm10 per ride. but it was worth. trust me. with the dusk cool breeze, i've got the chances to taste all those view. oh my, it's a lovely one. ^^

The night :
We prayed at Kapitan Keling mosque. Ceramah agama dy dlm bhasa india. that's unique. huhu. Waiting for syera's parents to come and pick us and we went to Pesta penang Sg. Nibong.. Wahh.. my 1st time here. It was loud and there's a lot of stalls selling all those beverages and food. Yet, there's also games. enough with the one named challenger. I felt dizzy and vomited. haha. My RM8 flew like a bird. =.=' Sumpah xnk naik da! huhu. Reached home nearly 1 a.m. Haihh, tp ad mase lg kteorg tgk2 tv cter pirates of the carribean. haha at 2 a.m? shut up and go to sleep.

Day 2 ;

In the morning :
Wake up ! Wake up ! Starting our day with roti canai. i ate 2 pieces. haha. kuat makan ouhh! nie smea sbb Khairan. dy terambik lebeh. hehe. :P xpe. syera bwk pg roadwalk. tgk2 barang je. i kn..xpndai shopping. haha. went to P. Ramlee's gallery. Amik2 gambar saja. the fees was free. And we then, continue our journey to gurney. tgk2 barang lg. Syera bwk pg mkn pasembor and minum teh 3lapis. haha. wow, nice again. suddenly, it was raining. perghh... basah kott. thank god, we were not that wet when suddenly zulhilmi gave me a ring. wanna meet me? aiyaa.. =.=' da la tgh bsah. so i was like orayt. but just a few seconds. unluckily, syera's mom asked us to go back so i'm sorry zul. i've to go back. Reaching home and we went to janggus i guess eating laksa. perghhh.. again. Sedapnye. :)) I ate 2 bowls! mkn pisang and keledek goreng lgi. Full. fuhh.. what a life. haha

Night :
Here we were! Batu Feringgi ! Set up tent. arranging food. go and pick pillows and put em into the tent. Whatelse? Ohh, damn. It's raining. So all we got to do was.. sitting in the tent. waiting for the rain to stop. after an hour, syera's dad wanna brought us to pray. but bfore that, smea org nk ke toilet la plak. hotel mmg la berlambak2 kt situ.. tp the weirdest thing is, toilet xde air maa.. arap je hotel org kaya. haha. ;p bila hujan dah berhenti.. yeahh. tyme for the bbq and the spaghetti eating. sedapnye. :)) jln2 kt tepi pntai.. how romantic and sweet kn kalau ad beloved one. But well, i lose him. huhu. nahh.. don't talk about that. as we were about to sleep. it happened to rain again. n khemah plak bocor bcoz it was raining too hard. shits. huhu. so, go back home. we didn't even sleep for the whole night. haha.

Day 3 ;

Nothing much happen. We ride the bus and reached Kamunting. Took taxi to reach Stesen bus taiping. took bus again to reach Kuala Kangsar. My dad picked us up and we got a good amazing tour by my dad. haha. gallery sultan azlan shah's visits and the palace, the've seen them. i also let them to take a look at my sch. :) everybody was tired and we did nothing on the night. only watching movies.

Day 4 ;

Lost world !! arhh.. 5 jam woo berendam dlm air tue. unexpectedly, jumpa faisyal, fizy, faridzul andd.. daniel. perghh,,, lari3. xmo jumpa dorg !! haha. i was not wearing tight so there's some games i couldnt even have the chances to play. smpy da mcm nk gado2 ngn org tue da. haha

"adik, kalau pkai track bottom xleh nek "
" sy nk jgak mcm mane? "
" ini peraturan dik "
aku da mula bengang. abg tue pon ckp cm hampehh jea.
" ape rasional nye org pkai track xbleh nek? ade ke konsep fizik yg terang mende nie "
"ini peraturan mmg la kene ikut, ala sye pon blaja sains jgak "

ouhhh, abg. saya xboleh trima alasan tue. kalau abg tegur saya dgn cara elok, mmg sy akan blas dgn cara elok. MELAMPAU betol. Customers are always RIGHT okayy. Dengan muka yg xblehh blahh and tgor kteorg mcm nie ? who the hell you think you are ? menyampah btol. We paid ok. which costs nearly rm40 per person. nsib bek kwn aku x tanye,

" kalau cmtue, nape keje mcm nie je? " haha. lg kuang aja. :P

xpe la.. kami berendam je la dlm pool tue.. bwh cendawan yg kuar air tue.. haha.. so ad lg stu game. kterorg buat bodo je. nak nek jgak. dtg la security guard tue sorg...

" adik, xboleh pkai cmnie kalo nk nek"
" ala.. boleh la bang " smbil mlontarkn syuman yg pling maniss kt dy. haha
" sorry la dik, kalau sy bg, t.. yg atas tue plak yg xbg. "
nsib bek abg nie tgur aku elok2. xpela.
" nape adik x pkai tight ? tgk.. org len pkai oke jea? "
" dosa, pahala sy mcm mane bang ? "
.....................dead line.....................
senyap trus. dy snyum n geleng2 kpala.
hah! puas aty akuhh. hahaha. ;p

so, pkul 5.. kami gerak blik. abah da ajak blik da. smpy rumah je. mmg sgt2 memenatkan. smpy jea mak da suh msk utk kwn2. nsib bek dinner mlm tue besh. asam pedas aku sgt sedap. hehe.

Day 5 ;

Just, antar kwn2 blik penang kt bus10. their ticket was at 11.15. Good bye friends. It was the most wonderful moments for us. LOVE YA. =)

Finally, it's over.

Wuuhhue ! :)

After all, I've done it. No more examinations at sch. After 3weeks imprisoned by the power of SPM, finally... Here I am. UPDATING MY BLOG again which is the turning point for the LONG BLOODY REST. However, leaving school isn't a really major things I should treasure after adapting to school for about 10 years through thick and thin. It's a relief but also, a sigh. Not to mention living in a hostel for about only 1 and a half year really taught me to have a real life. It taught me a lot of things and yea, I am glad, glad to be placed here in the hostel called 'ASRAMA PUTERI SEK. MEN. SAINS KEPALA BATAS' . Juniors in aspuri, breaking the hostel's rules, gossiping right after the prep class, waking up early lining up for shower, the free-shower bath with kain batik ( it was thrilling. seriously. haha ), eating every meals at the dining hall, staying up late for the next day examination, having a crush on boys, packing things for the overnight session, buying tickets to go home... I'm not going to taste them anymore. But most of all, these are the things that I'm going to long for ;

• Sarah's voice waking up the dorm members. "Bgun2..... Bella, bgun2. " haha
• Azan Muzzakir. Last subuh kt skola, sayu sgt rasa. :)
• Makan pau chocolate kt dining hall. Xpernah jumpa kt mana2 lg pau choc. hehe
• The Asmiza's violence. Tyme dy kejut aku bler... "miza ! gerak aku lg 10mnt" Dy gerak aku smpy aku bgn. Sgt mmbingitkn telinga aku. =.='
• Junior2 yg bg salam. " assalamualaikum, kak wan. " terase direspect. hihi
• Mkn besar lps PBM / weekend. My fave. ;)
• Captain house, Hafiz's order. " Wan, phoenix nk uat ap ? " Will miss it.
• Faisyal's voice as Imam. Sedapnye suara dy..
• Adik2 phoenix yg slalu tease me !! haha. SAYANG korg
• Toiletries yg belambak2 beratur kt depan shower tunggu turn. tp aku xpernah letak pon.
• Inspection ! inspect locker budak2 rumah. haha. ^^
• Row-call. walapon menensionkn dn agak annoying...
• Sensei soccer kasut. haha ^^
• Tukar2 simcard kt spe2 yg bwk hpone illegally. ;p
• Bella's new tips of fashion.
• Stay up mlm2 kt tepi tingkap.
• Kelas biology, hardcore extra class time. perghh..
• Abah's advices for their daughters and sons.

There are more sweet and bitter stuffs that happen in sch. I would not forget single of it. I earn a lot of things since the 1st step I'm here. and yeah, I'm proud to be known as the students from Kepala Batas Science Secondary School or even as the SBPian. Once a SBPian, is always a SBPian. They say that. :)

Whoever said that this the end of the school is such a relief?

NO, its a SIGH.