Tomorrow is Eid Mubarak. Alhamdulillah, I have the chance to celebrate this syawal with my family. Alhamdulillah tsuma alhamdulillah :) kalau tahun lepas, baju raya saya lab kot, pagi hantar assignments. Malam baru balik rumah, and baru dapat skype dgn family who showed me lemang and ketupat in the video call since its winter in Adelaide, so it has already turned dark at 5pm. Leaving Ramadhan is upsetting me. I feel it really this year. However, my Ramadhan this year is not as usual as before. Too many things happen.
Hebat saya diuji tahun ni. Allah. hati ni rasa terluka, penat, terkejut semua ada.
Saya diuji dengan keadaan kesihatan yang kurang memuaskan sbb demam teruk dari adelaide & sampai malaysia. So ponteng puasa banyak. -.- Balik Malaysia pun uplanned because my mom's condition is not that stable. I reached home before my result was up and found out that I failed my biochemistry so I need to seat for my replacement exam in between saya ada dekat malaysia. I was in dilemma since my mom's health pun tak okay and I need to think of my exam. okay, now what. I had a deal with my lecturer and my senior brought back my notes so that I can study when I am at home. Alhamdulillah, got to seat it on next friday once i reach adelaide. So right now, I have to think of my sponsor pulak. I am afraid if I received the warning letter since I failed one subjek.
Later, I received a heart-breaking news :(
I hope things would get better between us. I still feel sad until now. Hari hari fikir, tapi hari ni dah tak nangis dah. yeayy :) I know what you really meant. I know you always feel unsure if its come to your feeling, that is why at the first place the most thing that I ever afraid of is you falling for other person. Sebab saya tahu, I am different from you. I have this strong feeling dari dulu lagi but you are none like this. Always feel unsure. Though you are the guy that always been brighten up my days, you are the guy that making me cry and sad the most. It's funny right, why I always have to feel this though I know sometimes I might be hurt. -.- You & us are always in my every prayer. I pray that we can still holding on until jannah & be there for each other for the sake of Allah. I pray that we both succeed and build a family with many kids happily inshaaAllah with strong Islam foundation because we want to please Allah with this marriage. I know Allah heard my dua. I know He always will. :) But then he tested me with this condition, so awak... I will take this as another ujian for me okay. Allah nak test, how powerful my faith in you. Allah nak test how I rely on him as always and how far I believe in Him that He heard me. Mungkin jugak Allah nak tegur saya sebab dah banyak lupa kat dia. Amal bila balik Malaysia tak sehebat amal bila dekat Adelaide. He wants me to return to him. IAllah I would keep praying for us. I hope you are doing that too.
Because this pure intention we have is always being tested. Sometimes it has been interrupted by the shaytan because he never like the idea of marriage at the first place. I am reserving myself & taking care of this heart. Bersangka baik la wahai hati, sebab Dia tahu, Dia tahu what is inside us :) Moga saya sentiasa dalam doa awk. Moga awk dan saya berusaha untuk menjadi yg soleh dan solehah. Moga hati ini sentiasa sabar. There is no condition to be happy, it just that I need and have to be happy because you always remind me ; Senyum sikit iqa :) I would and always would. Allah, kuatkan hati ini. I believe miracles do happen InshaaAllah.
When I think about marriage, I think of no other but you.
Because there is no powerful weapon except for dua.
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