Wednesday, October 1, 2014

So, this is for you.

This is to respond to your previous text.

So, here it goes...

Dear you,
It was your birthday yesterday. So I decided to at least free my mind from remembering you. At least, I tried. though I know every time I paused, I might be thinking of you again. And I purposely went out with my housemates, had picnic, and pushed myself for bush-walking and hiking as hard and as far as I could. So that when I went home last night, I could jump on my bed and sleep without even thinking of your text you've sent through him. Somehow it irritates me, but I keep on reading the text over and over again. It feels like the missing parts are there, because there are so many things were left unsaid between us.

Yes, we remember it differently. And if you asked me the conversation we had 6 years ago at the bus station, I still can remember it clearly. And I still can tell you, how did I feel at the moment. But keeping it to myself seems better :)

I don't know how to make this sounds right. And yes, I can't resist you in my life in the meantime. I think I wasted my time over a person who really do not know how to appreciate myself & I am frustrated too because each time I tend to believe in you, you've break the trust and for now it has been 3 times. This 3rd time is very hurtful. It hurts so much. You ruined the whole me when I have bigger things to think especially my mom. And I still remember how you told me right on my face that you are eyeing on other girl when I was organizing my mom. Masa tengah tukar pampers mak, Masa tengah pujuk mak untuk tidur. Allah, really it was too hurtful to sleep. And that's the most harsh things a person has ever done to me. And to forgive is even harder no matter how much you wanted to say sorry.

I know you understand how I feel on you. I know you can tell. But really, the time for you now is never right for me. I am fighting to get over you. I wanted to kill the feeling on you so much because I don't want to think there is still hope for me. I wanted to run away as far as I could but I keep on gasping for air sometimes. It hurts both ways though. To run away and to keep you close. I'm not going to restrain you on doing anything you wanted to do. I've told you before, do whatever you think it's right. Anyway, thank you for all the reminders. Those are the things that you always remind me on most of the texts before this especially my rushing and skipping meal habits but InshaaAllah I would take care of myself.

It feels so long for not writing long texts and long hopes.

And yeah, this is for you :
I hope things are going well for you in Malaysia. Your business & your study.
Treat umi & ayah as good as you can. Don't let them down again. You are the man of the family and they rely so much on you. Be a good son and a good brother too. Life is not about you, your own self but it's about how you please Allah at the first place. Please drive carefully, jangan bawak laju2 sangat cause I know you do that often. Set alarm untuk bangun subuh selalu cause I'm not there to wake you up anymore. Good luck in any of your basketball games. You've got my support, right here in Adelaide :)

Wan Syafiqa.

*Well, hopefully I don't keep you waiting for any longer.

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