I don't want this anymore.

Peeps,

it hurts. it hurts on everywhere.

and this time, it hurts deeper.

I think I can't go on any further with him though he travels all the way long from melbourne.

I don't think I can handle him when this aching heart is still wounded.

So, without any doubts I called him up and tell him everything that I can't go on with him.

I feel sorry and appreciate the efforts but I'm sorry, it's really a no.

But still, I can't handle a guy who easily gets his heart fluctuating.

I can't handle a guy who keeps on feeling unsure about me.

It hurts knowing that he doesn't have feeling on me no more.

I'm going to stop everything now.

Having this kind of feeling is never pleasant & it somehow destroys you to the very bits.

But maybe it just happens to be that way.

So I'm gonna leave everything on Him.

"Dear Allah,

I know things are not going on well. I'm hurting myself over and over again.

I had tears as my best companions throughout the year. 

I'll be having a big day tomorrow but when my heart hurts, I hurt my head as well.

I can't think straight and I lose my appetite.

Though I've been through all this,

I know its a sign from you showing me your love,

Because every time I cried, my hopes and my prayer seems to get harder.

I believe and rely on you more.

O Allah, I want to meet a guy who loves me unconditionally. 

Who would always look at me and afraid that he would ever break my heart.

I want a guy who would not running away from misunderstanding and fixed everything for me.

I want to meet a guy who thinks about marriage, not someone for me to walk around and be happy.

I want a guy who says sorry when he does mistakes because,

a simple sorry works very well on me. 

After all, I need someone who wants to hold my hand and enter the Jannah together.

Allah, grant me patience!

I don't want to have any seconds thinking about this anymore.

I want to finish my final year so badly.

Keep me strong and firm going through this.

Please keep me on the track"