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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The people I love are fading away

12.24 AM
*lights off, on the bed with quilt cover on me
*Summer just doesn't feel like summer

Peeps,
Things seem to not fall perfectly in their place. I enjoyed doing summer school but I wasn't able & eligible to take it anyway. And I was being informed at my 1st week of course, lepas buat presentation bagai & scored for high marks T_T  Okay lah, cut that out. But then there it comes, biochemistry is hitting on my way. So dengan bangganya I'm gonna face this sem dengan a year with biochemistry again. Kita dah balik Adelaide baru dapat tahu. Kalau tak dah lama duduk kat Malaysia lagi dan makan sate -__- My 1 month holiday was not a good one anyway. Now sadly, cari kerja tak jumpa kerja :( 

and things get harder now.

Because I feel like I have no support anymore. Bila mak dah takde, I just realized things get different slowly. Once I talked to my parents like 3-4days a week, but now I received no calls from my dad. They say, my dad is on the phone for almost every night. Yes, I am sad. Until now. It feels like, hilang tempat bergantung. And the one I always talked to, does not want to talk to me anymore. He seems to be different and I don't know what's going on him either. 

1) Mom has gone
2) Dad doesn't seem to care
3) He doesn't want to talk to me no more

Frankly, sungguh terasa diri ini sunyi. Buat awak yang membaca, jangan pernah samakan keluarga saya dan keluarga awak. Isu kita berbeza. Bersyukurlah awk masih punya ibu, tapi saya? kalau hilang ayah saya jugak? kat mana saya bergantung? Saya cuma ada awak untuk berkongsi. Disebabkan orang itu awak & bukan orang lain, saya beritahu awak apa yang saya fikirkan. Saya kongsi every single thoughts saya dengan awak. Awak kenal saya, dan saya kenal awak dah lama. Lama sangat. Niat hanya nak berkongsi rasa tapi it turns out to be wrong. Tak tahu mana silapnya kali ini. Kalau masih ada attitude yang sama, tak mustahil diri ini akan rasa tawar hati & annoyed. Hargai saya, sebelum orang lain datang dan hargai saya. Tindakan mendiamkan diri tanpa solusi is not a good thing. It somehow shows that you are not a man enough because you keep on running away. Kita selalu ada jalan utk berbincang, sort the things out, improve diri, work on what makes things get so awkward here. 

Pernah.

'Yang pernah merasa kehilangan pasti akan tahu
maksud sebenar menghargai,

dan kerana itu aku cuba merasa sebenar benar maksud
menghargai sebelum aku benar benar merasa kehilangan'

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