Help me

My facebook is flooded with lots of cooking video and if I have my kitchen right now I would probably tried everything I watched! Apart from writing, cooking is one of my best therapy. I can be more expressive with cooking too lol

True, my obsession over food is crazy ya knoww. hahaha

So when I am a foodie, I cook as well. I don't wanna really say this, but I think I have good sense of tasting, that's when my every dish turns out pretty well hehehe. 

Because of this, I've been wishing to be part of Rasa Halal Antarabangsa host, because that show really gathers every of my passion and obsession at the same time! Travelling, eating good halal food, hosting, spreading the beauty of every cultures, experience new things, feel the air of another country, see the world and even got the chance to learn new traditional cuisine of other races, that would just sound perfect to me. Sooo purrfeeect. And I know this is so not going to happen thus I'll just have to keep keep dreaming, hahaha. 

Just recently, I watched so many cooking demonstration on youtube. If you look at my subscriptions, you'll die in hunger since I only subscribe good food and recipes in my channel haha so this is what I'm doing during weekend if I have nothing else to do, watching and drooling. Anndd my another wish is to taste the food cooked by top chefs and youtubers like chef wan and maangchi. Maangchi is so popular with her korean dishes, and everytime I watched it, she just making me watching her videos more. I even played the same video numerous time because of how good the food looks like. 

My late mom used to bake and sell a lot of cakes and cookies before. My mother was a very amazing cook. She cooks everyday that I have never got the chance to know lauk bungkus actually exists when I was in school. I've grown up in a family who eat home-cooked meal a lot. I thought that every family is like that when in fact it is not. Everytime she tasted a dish, she'll tell me she can make this turn out even better and truly she did. That is to the point when I found how extremely amazing she was. Out of my siblings, I am always the one who would accompany my mom in the kitchen. Well, most of my sisters did, but I think I'm the most often one. My fondness of trying to cook was even before I started kindergarten. I used to interrupt my mom when she baked and to drive my attention away, my mom would tell me to watch some sort of cooking shows on tv lol. And I would asked my mom everyday, "mak ada masak masak tak harini?" hahaha. I hope she didn't feel annoyed, When I've done with my matriculation, I had a 9 months bloody long break before I flew to Adelaide. I realized I learnt so much from her and we even had a deep conversation sometimes. And that was I think, I was matured enough to listen to her deep convo. I think my mom was born to make everyone happy because what I realized, she's happy when she can make people happy. Such a pure and lovely woman she is :)

I wanted to preserve this quality she had in my family soon :) I wanted my family to grow with the barakah food I cook. Uhm, here it goes my identity crisis again. hahaha. I still think that people who reads a lot, have a lot of knowledge is the richest person among all. That's why I chose to pursue master and dig more and more experience each day. I wanted to inspire people and tell the world how important knowledge and experiences are to me. Coz if you have that title, people tend to believe you more. That's when if people asked, I can tell them how my research is going on with enthusiasm. I can help them in so many ways. Help them to study and share with other people how I did to secure a supervisor, scholarship and all. To be frank, I am always happy receiving emails and private message regarding mybrainsc before. This small heart really wanted to help people :) 

However, the other side of me is always dreaming of being a wife and a mother who cooks on every meal, I just want to be the wife who would ask my husband what he's going to eat, and can literally eat every food I cooked with love and gesture of appreciation, I just wanna listen to how he loves my food very much and kiss my forehead telling me how wonderful I treated our family. I wanna be a supermom educating my children too. While I know the best mom is the one who stayed at home, I wanna be a woman who works because I want a brain which keep on functioning everyday lol. Not downgrading anyone, but it is just me. I am like that. I have to go out meeting people, learn some things, do some research to keep my soul alive. 

Well I hope I can sort these things out, soon. 

I have too much things in my head that I need somebody to help me with these thoughts.

Sigh.