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Tuesday, March 3, 2020

4th March 2020

These few days I talk about you a lot. 

I don’t want to reveal anything about you just to anyone since I wanted to reserve our stories to myself. But I guess since it’s your special day, I decided to write about you in more times to come, iAllah.

Without realizing, you existed 10 years ago when I thought I was actually ‘looking for someone else’. We neither talked nor there were memories about us. Amazingly, Allah sent you at the best time and place. It was the time when I can only see you the most out of the other guys out there. Indeed Allah is the best of planners.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. There are so much things about you that I look up to. You are just amazing since I knew you. Keep on being the amazing you and keep on shining. Islam memerlukan pemuda sepertimu :) 

I am grateful that Allah designed us to meet this way. Since it would be the beginning of a new episode and more stories to cherish after this. 

I pray that Allah would always keep us on track. Happy 27th birthday my house-mate to be! 



Saturday, January 4, 2020

2020 wishes :)

Every time new year comes, it always feels as fresh as usual.

Good vibe and beautiful spirit :)

As a tradition in my blog I would write what I've been through the whole previous year.

But last year I abandoned my blog quite a lot because I stopped using my laptop frequently coz I am totally done with my master degree. Yeayy alhamdulillah. I wanted to write my graduation story, viva story, my bfg story. I wanted to compile them all in my blog. Times aren't always there for me actually. I don't even know why. Haha. After all, I need to write my grad story shortly. But I would hold it for now. Maybe in a few days or time, I would. 

I called my 2019 as a 50/50 year. It's the year of creating new dreams. Not only my study milestone. 

Half of the year, I spend most of my time in Kuantan, and the other half is in my hometown. I live my life as a home full timer for now before I pursue my PhD. I think my rizq is there, instead of working. I've been thinking about it hard, and I hope things go well iAllah.

I found the other side of me last year when I lived in Kuala Kangsar for sure. The artistic part of me which I don't usually utilized hahaha. I also developed some dreams that I think might sounds relevant for me. It started because I wanted to find a decent muslim cafe for a reading and good coffee while waiting for  my dad's appointment. Unfortunately, I don't find one. The idea just popped up and I hope I can turn it into reality one day. 

I love good coffee, sables, breads, cakes and books. So I wanted to make one with good ambience, comfortable so that everyone who love their own time could come and find serenity and peace. I am obsess with cute and beautiful food. I am not a sweet eater actually hahaha but I just love the way how it looks. I know I am a big fan of food but the idea of creating cafe is a good thing coz I am someone who love to chill alone with my laptop, books and coffee.

I also develop my interest in skincare nowadays. I even thought of pursuing my PhD in skincare line so that I can develop my own skincare line, creating my own brand and packaging. Thinking about festival/seasons where people could celebrate their time with their loved one with my brand line for gifts at affordable prices. I wanted to create something as good as the korean skincare I am using. Lol, this is the confession of a acne prone skin girl who just got her skin healed after using wrong products. 

Since I am working a lot with bacteria and microbes, I am thinking to create a probiotic drink from my own strain. Cool tak? hahaha. This popped up sebab yakult selalu ada dalam fridge rumah which I enjoy drinking it so much loll.

After so much years of hectic lab and thesis writing, I finally have my own space to think about something cool. I can dream again finally hehehhe. This time, it is not the dreams that I have in highschool; to be a lecturer or having PhD etc, but it is something I love badly and wanted to share it with other people. I wanted to make people fall in love with things I have in mind :)

Pray for me.

Thursday, November 7, 2019

Burn baby Burn

After 2 months. 

I am back. hahaha

Rasa macam susah sangat nak update blog lately, coz I am home, lol. 

But trust me, this blog knows me inside and out. My only place where I can spill a lot of things with confidence. I am not sure where to begin but lately, I receive a lot of application rejection. I am not sure if this is the curse after I rejected Chonbuk Uni Phd offer, lol but things going pretty wild lately. 

I live with my elder sister and dad now which I am very grateful of. They pay for my expenses, dad  gives me allowance every month and my sister often pays for good food and treat me too. I am always happy with everything I had till I've got rejection emails of the application I sent. I am always a positive one but sometimes I got swayed too. 

I always think of serving my dad coz I didnt quite got to do so last time. But when I do now, I think it gets too much till sometimes I feel useless for being at home. Okay please RIP this feeling ohmygod. 

I am trying to remind myself not to compare your life with others because everyone's track is different. But today I just got dumped again from a doctorate program since I am not a under/postgrad student from particular universities. I'm swaying back guys. T.T

I should have received Chonbuk Uni offer. Yes? No?
Okay dahh jangan nak menyesal sangat huhuhu

I need good ears to tell my stories and my worries. 
Anyone? Please? T.T

Monday, September 23, 2019

My Keyboard is Back!

Finally I got my keyboard back!

Ya Allah I've been abandoning my blog for a few months and I miss writing very very much.

Lepas submit hard-bound thesis terus dengan lappy-lappy aku abandon bhahaha.

So many things happened and I've been fermenting stories now haha. Dah boleh jadi ikan kering agaknya. My sole thought was actually to update my viva stories, how I think people around me supported me so much when I lost myself. I wanted to update the warm wishes people around me gave, how I've been collecting memories and photos before I left Kuantan for good.

However, things got pretty busy over here. I submitted my hard-bound thesis on the 1st week of Ramadhan and began to focus my ibadah and deeds during the month. Then, Shawal came. Shawal was pretty harsh and brutal. So many houses to visit and so many people I need to catch up but it was really reviving and I think Shawal really connects people alhamdulillah.

The past two months was quite a 'phewww' too. Two of my cousins were engaged and another marriage in my big family! So I went back and forth (honestly I didn't help much on the preparation like what I did to my sister). All I did was more to driving, accompanied my sister attending her interview while I had nothing on my list right now. For your info, I was offered a phd program in Korea but yeah I declined due to several circumstances. Now dah rasa kenapaa la aku pegi decline sebab dah bosan hari hari masak je kat rumah hahaha. Anyway, I believe that there's always beautiful hikmah and reasons why Allah want me to rest and serve my dad for now.

For the interval that I was not writing and updating stories, my laptop was on 'idle' mode since my keyboard was not working at all. Turn off sangat nak update resume and other things haha. So I keep on procrastinating, then lepas baik laptop, the girl in store told me that I need to back up all my document before my hard disk go off. She said my hard disk is turning bad. Pastu mood aku pun macam tak best sebab aku paling tak suka barang penting rosak, rasa macam serabut tau T.T. But I told myself numerous time my laptop just needs services since it's getting old now. Kalau boleh rasa macam nak settle phd with this laptop since my mom hadiahkan for my studies in Adelaide and now I've completed my master degree with the help of my laptop. Thank you so much mak, I hope every letter that I used to write using the lappy you gave me, it's equivalent to the reward that you receive. Semoga pahala mak berpanjangan.



I have nothing else to update. But this is something that I am so proud of.
It's not about me, but it's about the team.
Tahniah adik adik ku! I am so happy to see you guys finally growing.
Alhamdulillah tsumma, alhamdulillah.

Thursday, March 28, 2019

A Reviving Meet Up

Hi korang.

Remember long time ago I wrote a post attributing to my housemates in Adelaide? Today I am about to write the same thing. But this time, it is with my so called friends when I was in boarding school.

So baru-baru ni aku attend majlis konvokesyen kawan baik aku masa kat SAKBA dulu. It was seriously a reviving session. Aku rasa best sangat walaupun aku terpaksa bawak kerja aku dan stay up malam tu untuk siapkan part of correction aku lol.

The convocation day was on sunday, dan sabtu tu aku dah ada siap-siap kat subang sebab teman abah pergi kenduri kawin kat One city. Malam tu dok tunggu acah sampai putra height dan lepastu kteorang stay up sesama buat kerja dah dedua sekarang sambung master hehehe. Lama aku rasa tak stay up belajar dengan kawan mcm ni. And the memory about us struggling for SPM just vividly came. Aku siap pesan suruh acah beli jajan sebab acah kalau study kena ada makanan kahkahkah. Tu zaman sekolah dulu lah, kat bawah meja mesti ada honey star ke, keropok ke hahaha. Aku percaya acah masih tak berubah kehkehkeh

The convocation day arrived then lepastu bermulalah kegigihan aku dengan acah menapak nak pergi konvo safy haha sebab kereta tak boleh masuk dalam. Abah n kak yang terpaksa drop kteorang kat gate dan beg baju memang mintak ihsan pakcik guard uitm shah alam masa tu mintak tumpangkan lol.. Gigih sangat plan hadiah untuk safy, bawak bunga dan belon berjalan tengah terik bhahahaha. Nasib ada bus offer naik masa tu. KALAU TAK BOLEH GARING AKU DENGAN HAFSAH MASA TU. Caplocks siap sebab serius haritu panas ya ampunnnn


Congratulation Safirah Hanum!
You've made it til the end. I am so proud of you <3 i="">

Despite hari panas gila  masa niiii, 
nasib baik maintain gambar lawa muka happy heeee

Aku tak tahu la rupa aku dalam gambar kat studio mcm mana. Aku harap tudung aku tak kembang dan aku kekal cantik. Anyway, lepas check in hotel masa tu, aku dengan acah dah terbongkang dah masa ni. Plan nak swimming bagai tapi tak dah mampuuu. But the day continued in a perfectly comforting way alhamdulillah. 

10pm - Bingsu at Mykori

11pm - Oden at Family Mart


12am - Fried chicken

Sambil ber-fried chicken sambil membawang. Thank god ada ayam goreng kalau nak pillow talk aku rasa tak sampai seminit aku dah pengsan malam tu. It was such a good night coz you know there was happy occassion and talking to your bestfriend is like a good therapy :) disamping menginap di hotel yang best dan breakfast yang menarikk hahaha

7.45am - Breakfast at Concorde 

#Bae
Lepas aku kecewa dengan Ayman Rashdan Wong baru-baru ni, 
aku dah ada Bae baru. Cukuplah roasted duck sebagai penyeri hidup.
Tsk tsk tsk

Pretty much aku rasa retreat mcm ni was such a refreshing one. Acah kata once in while kita memang kena ada masa macam ni which is aku agree hehehe. Tunggu la next convo aku kita stay marriot pulak kayh kahkahkah. Boleh start menabung dari sekarang heee. 

Aku rasa aku bertuah sangat sebab sebagai seorang sanguine dan extrovert aku memang perlukan orang di keliling aku. Aku lemau kalau tak jumpa orang. But in every places that I go, Allah grant warm and  lovely people around me. Masa kat asrama dulu, we pratically lived together sebab dok asrama kan. So perangai buruk memasing semua dah tahu hahaha, ketelusan aku dengan dorang ni pun dah level 99 dah. We shared everything. And I dare to say they see me growing. Dari zaman tak matang sampai la kteorang share thoughts on life and things through whatsapp group. Nak shopping beli baju pun msg kat group kekekke. 

Berbeza dengan geng diva aku kat all girls school dulu in which geng aku masa tu 10 orang (this is normal in girls school), my world revolves mostly with my 2 bestfriends in boarding school. Acah n safy kawan sekelas aku, dan kteorang bertiga dulu duduk sebaris. Though kteorang tiga berbeza sungguh perangai pretty much we compliment each other. Safy of coz la pelajar paling cemerlang antara kteorang 3. So 3 bulan sblm spm, safy pindah dapat kelas pertama, aku dengan acah stranded masuk kelas ke-3 out 7 class masa tu. hahahahaha Habis je form 5. Kteorang dah tak study sama dah. Aku n acah masuk matriks tapi acah kat kepala batas, aku kat changlun nun. Safy sambung dip pharmacy masa ni. 

But you know, true friends would always be there when things aren't on our way kan? Masa aku second year kat Adelaide, my mom was ill and passed away. Tambah pulak aku kena reject masa nii. Bagai ditimpa tangga bertubi tubi gituu haaa. Masa ni memang aku rasa hilang separuh kekuatan aku. But being good friends, dorang ni lah teman aku for a couple of days masa ni. Turun kuala kangsar teman aku. Huuuu. 

Few years later, acah experienced a massive broken heart. Dan bermula la sesi membawang dan mencaci lelaki tersebut dalam group whatsapp hahahaha. Korang jangan memain bab2 ni dengan perempuan haha. So gigih la aku dengan safy teman acah bercuti kat cameron highland sebab nak bagi acah hilang rasa sedih dia sambil malam tu pillow talk. Okay aku lega aku tak tdur awal masa tu hahahaha.

This time we gather around in a happy occasion. We didn't grief which makes it more special. 

Decision aku untuk pergi boarding school aku rasa a blessing in disguise kot walau result SPM aku in return takla segempak kawan-kawan aku kat sekolah lama. Kat situ aku kenal al-mathurat, belajar puasa isnin dan khamis, dan kat situ jugak ada kawan-kawan yang sampai sekarang masih menjadi penyokong setia aku, in whatever I do =) 

Thank you girls. You both are the best!

Aku tutup dengan gambar 10-9 tahun dulu. 

Aku tahu. 
Kteorang dari dulu sampai sekarang maintain comel kan?

Adios!

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Where are you at?

Hi guys. 

I am currently trying to finish off my thesis correction for quite sometimes. I don't know what happen to me recently but it seems like I lost my motivation. 

I feel so burden and heavy trying to finish this. It's been nearly 20 days since my ptem but I just couldn't grasp myself back. I feel like talking and going for a sip of coffee. 

Well, I did but this burden does not go away. It stays and I don't know what to do. 

Maybe I need someone else who I can blurt everything out in the most comfortable way? I don't know. 

Mujahadah sangat ni dah kenapa? T.T

Anyway, I have a confession to make.

Okay dah boleh pasang lagu thousand years - Christina Perri hahahaha

Wait. yeah. I am serious. Turn that on now. 

Dah pasang? 

Well, here it is...

I chatted with someone who listened to me so well once upon a time. The last time that we keep in touch was on January 20th 2017. Ever since, I never heard about that particular person anymore. I was left hanging knowing nothing about his uni, face and his details. The only thing I knew was he is from Segamat, Johor and studied physics education in a local university. I am always curious about his where about because his timing is always different. I woke at 5am having my sahur on my Monday and Thursday puasa routine but I would always found him actively online. One big fact that I would always remember was him telling me couples of times that he did not want to fall for anyone. But to tell you the truth, I did several times. Although we were sort of like just talking about life, virtually. But I am glad that it didn't became a big thing though since somehow he could be so comforting at times. I remember him picking a maroon abaya over the purple one coz he said I might look better in maroon. I did not manage to buy it because it was out of stock, but then I picked a maroon blouse when I attended a conference in Johor last time. I uploaded myself wearing the maroon blouse, for certain reason I wanted him to notice me in maroon but too bad he had deactivated his fb waayy before that. In the chat that I scrolled back, we told each other that we would miss chatting like this, I don't know about him but I always do. When I wrote about wanting someone to listen to me, it would always remind me of him. He told me that I could have known him more when the time is right. I am actually kind of waiting and still curious though years might have passed.


I would always remember you this way.

Or is it perhaps, the time would never be right?

*I wish I could reveal his actual name here. But I choose him to remain anonymous and let this stays between me and him, only.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

My kind of lullaby these days



I have so much things to tell here.

Loads of them. But I have to hold them for a while.

For now, let's listen to my go to song recently :)

Enjoy the song!

Goodnight :)