Burn baby Burn

After 2 months. 

I am back. hahaha

Rasa macam susah sangat nak update blog lately, coz I am home, lol. 

But trust me, this blog knows me inside and out. My only place where I can spill a lot of things with confidence. I am not sure where to begin but lately, I receive a lot of application rejection. I am not sure if this is the curse after I rejected Chonbuk Uni Phd offer, lol but things going pretty wild lately. 

I live with my elder sister and dad now which I am very grateful of. They pay for my expenses, dad  gives me allowance every month and my sister often pays for good food and treat me too. I am always happy with everything I had till I've got rejection emails of the application I sent. I am always a positive one but sometimes I got swayed too. 

I always think of serving my dad coz I didnt quite got to do so last time. But when I do now, I think it gets too much till sometimes I feel useless for being at home. Okay please RIP this feeling ohmygod. 

I am trying to remind myself not to compare your life with others because everyone's track is different. But today I just got dumped again from a doctorate program since I am not a under/postgrad student from particular universities. I'm swaying back guys. T.T

I should have received Chonbuk Uni offer. Yes? No?

Okay dahh jangan nak menyesal sangat huhuhu

I need good ears to tell my stories and my worries. 

Anyone? Please? T.T

My Keyboard is Back!

Finally I got my keyboard back!

Ya Allah I've been abandoning my blog for a few months and I miss writing very very much.

Lepas submit hard-bound thesis terus dengan lappy-lappy aku abandon bhahaha.

So many things happened and I've been fermenting stories now haha. Dah boleh jadi ikan kering agaknya. My sole thought was actually to update my viva stories, how I think people around me supported me so much when I lost myself. I wanted to update the warm wishes people around me gave, how I've been collecting memories and photos before I left Kuantan for good.

However, things got pretty busy over here. I submitted my hard-bound thesis on the 1st week of Ramadhan and began to focus my ibadah and deeds during the month. Then, Shawal came. Shawal was pretty harsh and brutal. So many houses to visit and so many people I need to catch up but it was really reviving and I think Shawal really connects people alhamdulillah.

The past two months was quite a 'phewww' too. Two of my cousins were engaged and another marriage in my big family! So I went back and forth (honestly I didn't help much on the preparation like what I did to my sister). All I did was more to driving, accompanied my sister attending her interview while I had nothing on my list right now. For your info, I was offered a phd program in Korea but yeah I declined due to several circumstances. Now dah rasa kenapaa la aku pegi decline sebab dah bosan hari hari masak je kat rumah hahaha. Anyway, I believe that there's always beautiful hikmah and reasons why Allah want me to rest and serve my dad for now.

For the interval that I was not writing and updating stories, my laptop was on 'idle' mode since my keyboard was not working at all. Turn off sangat nak update resume and other things haha. So I keep on procrastinating, then lepas baik laptop, the girl in store told me that I need to back up all my document before my hard disk go off. She said my hard disk is turning bad. Pastu mood aku pun macam tak best sebab aku paling tak suka barang penting rosak, rasa macam serabut tau T.T. But I told myself numerous time my laptop just needs services since it's getting old now. Kalau boleh rasa macam nak settle phd with this laptop since my mom hadiahkan for my studies in Adelaide and now I've completed my master degree with the help of my laptop. Thank you so much mak, I hope every letter that I used to write using the lappy you gave me, it's equivalent to the reward that you receive. Semoga pahala mak berpanjangan.

I have nothing else to update. But this is something that I am so proud of.

It's not about me, but it's about the team.

Tahniah adik adik ku! I am so happy to see you guys finally growing.

Alhamdulillah tsumma, alhamdulillah.

A Reviving Meet Up

Hi korang.

Remember long time ago I wrote a post attributing to my housemates in Adelaide? Today I am about to write the same thing. But this time, it is with my so called friends when I was in boarding school.

So baru-baru ni aku attend majlis konvokesyen kawan baik aku masa kat SAKBA dulu. It was seriously a reviving session. Aku rasa best sangat walaupun aku terpaksa bawak kerja aku dan stay up malam tu untuk siapkan part of correction aku lol.

The convocation day was on sunday, dan sabtu tu aku dah ada siap-siap kat subang sebab teman abah pergi kenduri kawin kat One city. Malam tu dok tunggu acah sampai putra height dan lepastu kteorang stay up sesama buat kerja dah dedua sekarang sambung master hehehe. Lama aku rasa tak stay up belajar dengan kawan mcm ni. And the memory about us struggling for SPM just vividly came. Aku siap pesan suruh acah beli jajan sebab acah kalau study kena ada makanan kahkahkah. Tu zaman sekolah dulu lah, kat bawah meja mesti ada honey star ke, keropok ke hahaha. Aku percaya acah masih tak berubah kehkehkeh

The convocation day arrived then lepastu bermulalah kegigihan aku dengan acah menapak nak pergi konvo safy haha sebab kereta tak boleh masuk dalam. Abah n kak yang terpaksa drop kteorang kat gate dan beg baju memang mintak ihsan pakcik guard uitm shah alam masa tu mintak tumpangkan lol.. Gigih sangat plan hadiah untuk safy, bawak bunga dan belon berjalan tengah terik bhahahaha. Nasib ada bus offer naik masa tu. KALAU TAK BOLEH GARING AKU DENGAN HAFSAH MASA TU. Caplocks siap sebab serius haritu panas ya ampunnnn

Congratulation Safirah Hanum!

You've made it til the end. I am so proud of you <3 i="">

Despite hari panas gila  masa niiii, 

nasib baik maintain gambar lawa muka happy heeee

Aku tak tahu la rupa aku dalam gambar kat studio mcm mana. Aku harap tudung aku tak kembang dan aku kekal cantik. Anyway, lepas check in hotel masa tu, aku dengan acah dah terbongkang dah masa ni. Plan nak swimming bagai tapi tak dah mampuuu. But the day continued in a perfectly comforting way alhamdulillah. 

10pm - Bingsu at Mykori

11pm - Oden at Family Mart

12am - Fried chicken

Sambil ber-fried chicken sambil membawang. Thank god ada ayam goreng kalau nak pillow talk aku rasa tak sampai seminit aku dah pengsan malam tu. It was such a good night coz you know there was happy occassion and talking to your bestfriend is like a good therapy :) disamping menginap di hotel yang best dan breakfast yang menarikk hahaha

7.45am - Breakfast at Concorde 

#Bae

Lepas aku kecewa dengan Ayman Rashdan Wong baru-baru ni, 

aku dah ada Bae baru. Cukuplah roasted duck sebagai penyeri hidup.

Tsk tsk tsk

Pretty much aku rasa retreat mcm ni was such a refreshing one. Acah kata once in while kita memang kena ada masa macam ni which is aku agree hehehe. Tunggu la next convo aku kita stay marriot pulak kayh kahkahkah. Boleh start menabung dari sekarang heee. 

Aku rasa aku bertuah sangat sebab sebagai seorang sanguine dan extrovert aku memang perlukan orang di keliling aku. Aku lemau kalau tak jumpa orang. But in every places that I go, Allah grant warm and  lovely people around me. Masa kat asrama dulu, we pratically lived together sebab dok asrama kan. So perangai buruk memasing semua dah tahu hahaha, ketelusan aku dengan dorang ni pun dah level 99 dah. We shared everything. And I dare to say they see me growing. Dari zaman tak matang sampai la kteorang share thoughts on life and things through whatsapp group. Nak shopping beli baju pun msg kat group kekekke. 

Berbeza dengan geng diva aku kat all girls school dulu in which geng aku masa tu 10 orang (this is normal in girls school), my world revolves mostly with my 2 bestfriends in boarding school. Acah n safy kawan sekelas aku, dan kteorang bertiga dulu duduk sebaris. Though kteorang tiga berbeza sungguh perangai pretty much we compliment each other. Safy of coz la pelajar paling cemerlang antara kteorang 3. So 3 bulan sblm spm, safy pindah dapat kelas pertama, aku dengan acah stranded masuk kelas ke-3 out 7 class masa tu. hahahahaha Habis je form 5. Kteorang dah tak study sama dah. Aku n acah masuk matriks tapi acah kat kepala batas, aku kat changlun nun. Safy sambung dip pharmacy masa ni. 

But you know, true friends would always be there when things aren't on our way kan? Masa aku second year kat Adelaide, my mom was ill and passed away. Tambah pulak aku kena reject masa nii. Bagai ditimpa tangga bertubi tubi gituu haaa. Masa ni memang aku rasa hilang separuh kekuatan aku. But being good friends, dorang ni lah teman aku for a couple of days masa ni. Turun kuala kangsar teman aku. Huuuu. 

Few years later, acah experienced a massive broken heart. Dan bermula la sesi membawang dan mencaci lelaki tersebut dalam group whatsapp hahahaha. Korang jangan memain bab2 ni dengan perempuan haha. So gigih la aku dengan safy teman acah bercuti kat cameron highland sebab nak bagi acah hilang rasa sedih dia sambil malam tu pillow talk. Okay aku lega aku tak tdur awal masa tu hahahaha.

This time we gather around in a happy occasion. We didn't grief which makes it more special. 

Decision aku untuk pergi boarding school aku rasa a blessing in disguise kot walau result SPM aku in return takla segempak kawan-kawan aku kat sekolah lama. Kat situ aku kenal al-mathurat, belajar puasa isnin dan khamis, dan kat situ jugak ada kawan-kawan yang sampai sekarang masih menjadi penyokong setia aku, in whatever I do =) 

Thank you girls. You both are the best!

Aku tutup dengan gambar 10-9 tahun dulu. 

Aku tahu. 

Kteorang dari dulu sampai sekarang maintain comel kan?

Adios!

Where are you at?

Hi guys. 

I am currently trying to finish off my thesis correction for quite sometimes. I don't know what happen to me recently but it seems like I lost my motivation. 

I feel so burden and heavy trying to finish this. It's been nearly 20 days since my ptem but I just couldn't grasp myself back. I feel like talking and going for a sip of coffee. 

Well, I did but this burden does not go away. It stays and I don't know what to do. 

Maybe I need someone else who I can blurt everything out in the most comfortable way? I don't know. 

Mujahadah sangat ni dah kenapa? T.T

Anyway, I have a confession to make.

Okay dah boleh pasang lagu thousand years - Christina Perri hahahaha

Wait. yeah. I am serious. Turn that on now. 

Dah pasang? 

Well, here it is...

I chatted with someone who listened to me so well once upon a time. The last time that we keep in touch was on January 20th 2017. Ever since, I never heard about that particular person anymore. I was left hanging knowing nothing about his uni, face and his details. The only thing I knew was he is from Segamat, Johor and studied physics education in a local university. I am always curious about his where about because his timing is always different. I woke at 5am having my sahur on my Monday and Thursday puasa routine but I would always found him actively online. One big fact that I would always remember was him telling me couples of times that he did not want to fall for anyone. But to tell you the truth, I did several times. Although we were sort of like just talking about life, virtually. But I am glad that it didn't became a big thing though since somehow he could be so comforting at times. I remember him picking a maroon abaya over the purple one coz he said I might look better in maroon. I did not manage to buy it because it was out of stock, but then I picked a maroon blouse when I attended a conference in Johor last time. I uploaded myself wearing the maroon blouse, for certain reason I wanted him to notice me in maroon but too bad he had deactivated his fb waayy before that. In the chat that I scrolled back, we told each other that we would miss chatting like this, I don't know about him but I always do. When I wrote about wanting someone to listen to me, it would always remind me of him. He told me that I could have known him more when the time is right. I am actually kind of waiting and still curious though years might have passed.

I would always remember you this way.

Or is it perhaps, the time would never be right?

*I wish I could reveal his actual name here. But I choose him to remain anonymous and let this stays between me and him, only.

My kind of lullaby these days

I have so much things to tell here.

Loads of them. But I have to hold them for a while.

For now, let's listen to my go to song recently :)

Enjoy the song!

Goodnight :)

Youtube is life

I practically live with my laptop these few years and I don't watch TV. 

I started to ditch the tv programmes when I live abroad sebab tv aussie tak best, setiap state channel lain lain (punya besar aussie sampai begitu sekali) dan rumah memang takde tv pon masa tu ehek. So there are so much things ongoing on the tv which I do not bother lol. And I carry away that habit until now. I even do not know how to switch on the tv at my home anymore haha. 

When I live with my gadgets and laptop, my entertainment is solely YOUTUBE! I love youtube so much since I can practically choose what I want to watch by type in! haaa mudah, hujan pun line clear boleh stream video lagi heee

So here are some of my all time fav youtubers and channels if you want to kill your times and grab some entertainment online :)

First, I would say Joan Kim! 

Below is her recent video on her main channel.

I started watching her when I had a terrible breakout and as I was searching for important ingredients and products to get rid of my acne at first. I really enjoy her editing and how she talks about her skincare routine and stuffs. She's a beauty blogger and what I enjoy the most is to see her vlog on her daily life. The cafe she choose and the food look so appetizing! She's good at hosting it and she always think of something new for her channel. Recently, she launched a night and day cream collaborated with Neogen which is Neogen X Joanday. Seeing that and listening how she get far at  this point  makes me so proud of her :') I was excited for the cream and I would loooveee to try her night and day cream! Since I have so much things to try now, I would probably wait for it and till I get extra money, would definitely purchase one. She had a 365 days of  Joanday before and she basically vlog everyday! That was last 2 years and last year she had 100 days of series and I am still waiting for her next vlog project in 2019. Her second channel was packed with lots places in Korea, and her friends too, so indirectly I've got to know her friends too, lol. 

One of Joanday episode! 

My second pick would be, Mark Wiens!

Here is one of his best 2018 food review.

Oh my god, he really knows how to eat! I am a foodie. I love eating so much and yeahhh his food review really keeps me drooling. I love his shirt written I travel for food very much coz that was basically what I did too hahahaha. Mark eats so much I think so I don't get it why he stills so skinny T.T If it's me, I might gain lot of kgs, and had trouble to loose my weight back. Some people have diff tastebuds, but I guess he has the asian tongue when he enjoys eating spicy food etc, so what he usually eat in the video makes me want to try them too :)

Thirdly, I would say Maangchi!

Here's one of her video on making gimbap/kimbap

Well, I started to watch her cooking when I was in Adelaide. My housemate used to love korean food so much and there were tons of Korean markets when I was in Adelaide. So I tried to find recipes in youtube and finally discovered her channel. Later I watched lots of her videos although I do not have the intention to make them because I love watching her cooking videos since the editing was super nice and the food looks so tempting! I have tried 4 recipes from her channel, which are gimbap, dakjim, hotteok and japchae. Honestly, they all turned out pretty well! Glad that my friends love them. 

Fourtly, it would be Blimey!

Blimey is my fav fav fav channel after Joan :)

Blimey has a fandom now, and it is called Blimers. I am proud to say that yes. I am A BLIMERS! hahahaha. Omg, these girls are so fun to watch! I mean they are just like nice korean girls who keep on making videos on Malaysia and Korea. Other than food, I appreciate culture very much. So when they started to make videos and compare it with both culture, it is very informative and fun to watch. If I have to choose to hang out between joan and blimey girls, I would probably say blimey because joan is like another level of standard haha. Much probably because she grew up in USA before. But these girls are just warm to watch and they seem like my go to friends haha. So fun and humble to begin with heheh. 

The last one is still another food vlog. Honeykki :D

One of her what I eat in a day episode. 

Whenever I feel like eating or cooking something I would start to look for its own recipe. So I think I discovered this channel when I was looking for a korean fried chicken recipe. Her video is quite a satisfaction actually. It's a different style with maangchi in terms of the editing and video style. But her what I eat in a day episode is so good to watch. I love looking at what she cooks coz the sound of cutting and frying really gets me into the video. If I have my own kitchen now, I would probably cook a lot or starting my own food blog aha! 

These are my top 5 youtube channels that I love watching. I normally get so excited when Joan and Blimey videos are up nowadays. But before I got so into them, I usually spend my time watching the food videos so much. So if you guys are bored and wanting to watch something light and relaxing, go and explore youtube! There are tons of youtubers would make your days better other than solely dramas and movies. Since I lose sparks of watching dramas and movies, I usually go for youtube and explore more if I have the time. So yeah, check out my fave youtubers then!

Happy watching!

2018 self-claim achievements

Happy New Year everyone!

I'm sorry I break my promise as I did not finish my Korea travel story on December. I went home last week which I did not intend to, so my schedule on writing blog just went all over the place. I've saved half of my writing but did not manage to publish them yet.  

While we are still at the heat of celebrating new year, I may want to take this chance to look back at the unlocked achievements and some of the things I learnt throughout 2018. I think this is like the tradition in my blog now, to look back at the previous years and to reflect back is a huge and important thing to do, at least for me. So skipping my travel story is not a big deal for now ehehe. I don't write much on my facebook, but I do blabbering a lot in my blog. I guess people who are still learning about me through blog posts are some cool creatures and extraordinary! You are really one of the kind. Thank you for reading and witnessing the important things happened in my life :)

Anyway, let's look closer to the year of 2018. Lemme summarize the past few years ever since I think I am back to blog with another phase of life. 2016 was the buffering year for me, coz lot's of thing changed as I experienced a huge transition from Australia to Malaysia, from bachelor degree to Master degree programme and came to unexpected place etc, 2017 was indeed the year of me to understand and grasping life better. I learnt the meaning of persistence & motivation to pursue your study, I started to realize the real meaning behind commitments, and wealth does not mean you owning a huge amount of money, but being happy is the ultimate goal in life. 

I would say 2018 was not that plain, but I achieved quite lots of things last year. 

1) I successfully completed my thesis writing on October!

This is the most highlighted part of 2018. A lot of people are complaining about writing thesis. Well, I was not excepted from this but the determination I had was totally insane. 3 months of writing it felt like a throwing up journey, but once I set my mind I just did not know to stop. Alhamdulillah tsumma alhamdulillah. I've done the most crucial part in research, I am still waiting for my thesis evaluation, so please pray for it :)

2) I have actively participated in 2 virtual runs & a netball tournament AND I LOVE IT!

I love experiencing things especially when it has to do with your physical interactions. Well, I don't realize this at first but I was an athlete when I was young, I learnt quickly on dance movements but my potential on sports haven't been polished for quite some times. Pretty much that explained why I love virtual run. I am now been using Nike Run Club to track my daily exercise routine. Please add me up if you guys are using the same apps: Syafiqa Tsukushi is my id. Anddd the netball tournament was actually grilled and roasted for my team hahaha, but I didn't expect I did quite better than anyone else and played center position kayhhh. haaaa. 

3) I received quite a number of invited speakers, panelists and MC invitation

I am quite well known for an outspoken person for certain reasons, lol. But I think I didn't quite reveal my true color ever since I left school or even Adelaide. But last year, I received tons of invitation especially in IIUM to voice out the postgraduate opinions in a forum, being MC for symposiums and several general grand meetings held in Kulliyyah of Science. One of the biggest achievement I had so far was presenting a pretty heavy topic: pedophile to the primary school students. It needed patience and creativity to handle them and I think I did pretty well though I lost a bit of my voice after the session lol. Good job Wan Syafiqa. *Patting my own back* 

4) I successfully edited the whole postgraduate magazine VIRTOUSI!

Omg, this is quite an achievement for me, alhamdulillah :) I always feel that I do have the talent to design a little bit, but I always felt incompetent enough whenever it comes to designing. Since I usually tell people my honest opinions for some designs etc, and yes some of them do not meet my expectation so much. Though that was the case, I don't talk about it a lot because I want to appreciate their effort the most so I usually keep quite. It was different when I was in Australia, my team mates made great designs and they always beyond my imagination to be honest. But it is different here, so I told myself why don't I tried to make one and we'll see how it goes. I do feel satisfaction because it really fit my tastes lol, obviously coz I created it but I received numerous compliments from the people who read the magazine and it made me feel so happy. So at least, I proved myself that self-insecurity is not needed here :)

5) I learnt to take care of my skin in a real deal!

You guys may be knowing that I struggled a lot with my breakout on the end of 2017 I guess. So early this year I made a lot of notes on the ingredients that I need to concentrate to get rid of my acne and after 5 months I did reduce them 80% and I am so glad after a real hard work searching for the right skin care. So I shared a few of my empties on this blog and I plan to write another empties sessions soon coz my skin improved a lot way better than before. I appreciate my skin better now and I often pay much attention whenever it comes to skin care routine. So stay tune for the next post on my skin care products!

6) Travel updates: 3 vacations last year.

Woot woot, I love travelling and I know everyone knows I do. So I went to Bandung, Indonesia early of the 2018. Seoul and Jeju Island in Korea and the end of 2018, and also Kuching, Sarawak in the middle of 2018. I enjoyed them so much that I feel like I wanna spend my whole life tracing the world! hahaha. Anyway, this year, I'll be starting off with Tawau, Sabah on mid January soon. I'm gonna fly to Semporna to meet my ex-housemate whom I miss so much! It'll be a reunion of Shipsters with Hajar and Kak Mas. Too bad that Ain can't join us along. But I'm looking forward to meet her and her baby Medina once they touch down Malaysia soon!

Last year, I talked a lot about how 2017 changed my views on certain issues. But this year, I think there's a lot of things that I manage to achieve and share with you guys. I will consider 2019 is another challenging year coz I think there would be another transition of life I need to experience. I am now in a job hunting and scholarship hunting for my phd. I hope for better days ahead and everything would fall in the perfect place and time. Be it my phd, getting a job, well yea even getting my future Tsukasa ;)

Adios!