Finally, it's over.

Wuuhhue ! :)

After all, I've done it. No more examinations at sch. After 3weeks imprisoned by the power of SPM, finally... Here I am. UPDATING MY BLOG again which is the turning point for the LONG BLOODY REST. However, leaving school isn't a really major things I should treasure after adapting to school for about 10 years through thick and thin. It's a relief but also, a sigh. Not to mention living in a hostel for about only 1 and a half year really taught me to have a real life. It taught me a lot of things and yea, I am glad, glad to be placed here in the hostel called 'ASRAMA PUTERI SEK. MEN. SAINS KEPALA BATAS' . Juniors in aspuri, breaking the hostel's rules, gossiping right after the prep class, waking up early lining up for shower, the free-shower bath with kain batik ( it was thrilling. seriously. haha ), eating every meals at the dining hall, staying up late for the next day examination, having a crush on boys, packing things for the overnight session, buying tickets to go home... I'm not going to taste them anymore. But most of all, these are the things that I'm going to long for ;

• Sarah's voice waking up the dorm members. "Bgun2..... Bella, bgun2. " haha
• Azan Muzzakir. Last subuh kt skola, sayu sgt rasa. :)
• Makan pau chocolate kt dining hall. Xpernah jumpa kt mana2 lg pau choc. hehe
• The Asmiza's violence. Tyme dy kejut aku bler... "miza ! gerak aku lg 10mnt" Dy gerak aku smpy aku bgn. Sgt mmbingitkn telinga aku. =.='
• Junior2 yg bg salam. " assalamualaikum, kak wan. " terase direspect. hihi
• Mkn besar lps PBM / weekend. My fave. ;)
• Captain house, Hafiz's order. " Wan, phoenix nk uat ap ? " Will miss it.
• Faisyal's voice as Imam. Sedapnye suara dy..
• Adik2 phoenix yg slalu tease me !! haha. SAYANG korg
• Toiletries yg belambak2 beratur kt depan shower tunggu turn. tp aku xpernah letak pon.
• Inspection ! inspect locker budak2 rumah. haha. ^^
• Row-call. walapon menensionkn dn agak annoying...
• Sensei soccer kasut. haha ^^
• Tukar2 simcard kt spe2 yg bwk hpone illegally. ;p
• Bella's new tips of fashion.
• Stay up mlm2 kt tepi tingkap.
• Kelas biology, hardcore extra class time. perghh..
• Abah's advices for their daughters and sons.

There are more sweet and bitter stuffs that happen in sch. I would not forget single of it. I earn a lot of things since the 1st step I'm here. and yeah, I'm proud to be known as the students from Kepala Batas Science Secondary School or even as the SBPian. Once a SBPian, is always a SBPian. They say that. :)

Whoever said that this the end of the school is such a relief?

NO, its a SIGH.

If he is the moon, I'll be the star.

Hi readers.

People, i guess i've found another him. Another someone that can always draw a smile on my face. Another someone who seems to write sweet notes to me. Another someone who manage to make me feel the butterfly in my stomach more than SPM (i bet) and yet another someone who is unable to be seen again except for the moon which symbolizing him. However, this isn't interrupting myself from focusing on my aim. This one seems beautiful that able me to have the strength to go to school once just to see him even only a flash figure of himself. See, how powerful does it work. :) As it feels like he is the 1st guy whom i seeked for during the thousand crowds of boys, this is such feeling which abandoned me a couple of months before.

For even i can always feel the heat of the disappontment until now, maybe the moon can heal it slowly. However, it takes loyalty and the faithful itself to have a happy relationship which suits you. I visited his page just now. Well, seems that he was tied in a bond with someone I really know since last year. Maybe high hopes don't give you anything except for a heart broken. haha. seems that i'm a bit sentimental today. haha. Funny. But well ya, he is even the so called guy whom girls are always chasing on. No doubt. I dunno why and again it's funny for falling for him. I never thought though.

Hey dear,
I never rely on appearance to like someone, it all depends on you yourself.

I don't like you because of looks, it because you know how to treat me sweetly.

I'm not the type of girl who is easily fall for someone but it because I know how to judge you. :)

I'm not someone who will lose my pride easily and it seems like you know how to respect me.

People, if you again asking me, " Is it because if his appearance ? " I'll answer it NO. I did only just realize it he indeed has the look once I've been treated nicely by him. Fullstop :)

Each time I miss you,
A star would fall down from the sky,
If you looked up at the sky,
And found it dark with no stars,
It's your fault.
You make me MISS you SO MUCH.

chilled up! he has being reminded me. =.='
They say I'm starting to love and being loved again.
Am I?

I think I hate him.

Dear readers,

I don't know why i'm starting to feel so so much pissed off! He really does driving me insane. He doesnt't even seems to care about me. I sent him notes, commented on his wall post so that he knows I really did care. After all, he did not even reply me. It's a negative sign from him. I'm worrying so much and started to feel hurts when I see he chatted with others especially HER.

.can't stand it anymore.
sucks!

Because I'm a girl.

Just finish visiting ain's blog. hah, she's using the methods i wrote before to well, forget him i guess. well, ain are you really trying to forget him now? We are always behind each other right ? You for me and me for you forever. :)

well, ain i cross something i think worth to put in my blog. i mean. yeahh. i think i am really a girl. it just that the feeling doesn't go away for how many times i tried. he hurts me like hell but still i couldn't take this feeling off.

" i just can't understand the ways of all men and their mistakes, you give them all your heart and then they ripped it all away. "

" never thought of being a girl, how can i love for you and be burned and now i would build a wall to never get torn again "

" although that i said i hate you now. though i shout and curse you out. I'm always have love for you because I am a girl "

I feel STUPID.

What's more that I'm gonna write here. arhh, seems much2 updates right now. why ? because there's no one that i can share my life with. haha. The more i wait, the more I feel stupid right now. It's freaking damn stupid !! arhh.. *pissed off.

So people, why do i think in this way ? yea.. i know. It's a bad idea to think yourself i mean yea. at least respect myself for not calling me as stupid. but i really think that way ! GOSH. what am i doing now bloggy ? =.= so, this is the stupidity of mine ;

I received text from him...
"oit!"
I didn't reply. credit went off. so bia jea la.walopon dlm hati nie. AKU NK REPLY!!! Think that i can fight for the feeling.*Thinking what should i do. Hah, pergi mandi! haha. tue je la method nk hilangkn rase xbest nie.

*Tengah keringkan rambut..suddenly,
-New message received- 0_o dy hantar lg ?
"wan, raya tahun nie mcm mana? datang rumah aku ark ?"
ohh, kawan aku rupanya.xde kedit nie so..
"abah, jom pergi kedai. ika nk topup"
abah cakap ; nanti2, abah nk tgk brita nie.
aku ; alaa...lambat la cmnie. =.=

tiba2..right after that...AGAIN
-New message received-
"haiyaa..kawan aku nie sabar la..adeyh.."
o'oh, bukan kawan aku tp DIA.

"Eyt"

Erk, I feel that my legs are weak! Ish pehal mamat nie. so i've made up a promise to myself ;
"Ika, jgn mcg dy even da topup pon. paham ??"
I nodded.

*half an hour later.

"Ika, jom !"
alamak..abah da siap. cepat2. capai selendang, amik sweater. ahh, sarong aje lahh. kak yang kate dy nk ABC so dy dgn xmandi nye..capai towel ikot sekali.aduhh.smelly. ;p tp sudahnye, it's still me going out bought it for her. T.T
Reached petronas. Abah suh pergi isi minyak n beli topup utk abah, kak yang and of course me.
I top up right after that.
But the weird thing is.. I text him 1st. not my friend. Aiyoo..ape aku nihh.lupa terus psl mcg kwn aku tuh..

"Eyt, sorry. kedit xde td. baru je top up"
he replied.
"nk mcg dgn...trus top up ye?haha"
dalam hati aku ; mamat niyh. PERASAN betol ! Ish, geram betol aku. terus aku delete mcg tuh. tgh tahan geram niehh. sampai org JIMboy tue kasi aku ABC pon aku xsedar.aku igt aku xnk reply da. sbb geram. xpe la. aku lupa motif aku !

........Reply text kawan aku dlu....... =.=

pikir punya pkir.hurm..reply la. t aku plak menyesal.

"Ish, xde la. nk msg kwn ckp pasal raya. gpon baru pasan je mcg nie"
hurm. kelentong la skit.terpaksa. huk

"haha. R u trying to fool me sha ? I know you very well "
alamak..sudahh. dy patut nye da xigt ape2 psl aku ! dy yg plih xnk aku da. hurm..nie nk nangis nie. :(

aku pon dgn gagahnye ; " ey, btol la. sekarang nie mlm2 org letak phone dalam laci tau. xnk tgk phone punya pasal. "

huh, mmg btol pon. xpe, tgk.ape dy reply.
"haha. I've read ur blog la mkck"

eii..geramnye aku dgn pkcik tinggi n! hurm.xpe2.aku pon reply ;
"Alaa..mcm la dlm blog sha ade tulis. "I'll top up just to mcg you." ade?xde kn..haaa. ;p"
utk mnghilangkn rase aku yg tgh geram nie. mcm2 smiley la aku letak. :)

"Mmg la xde. but i know la..i always know."
aku dgr mcm tue trus aku rase sedey. erm, dy kenal aku lagi. erkk,, ika!!! tahan! tahan!

suddenly he sent me this ;
"sha..."
aku duduk, terus pegang dada aku. ish, rase cm kene current. =.=
"huh? yea..y?" i replied.
"sje..haa..ntah pe dy rase org pggil dy g2.haha."
tyme tue aku da rase aku cam org bodoh. dy treat aku mcm tue. nk main2 kn aku lagi ke? tolong la..i can't resist. I'm building the strength from zero, time dy layan aku mcm taik! but he ruined it all.

n..he did say this ;
"I want to make you feel better because I heard you are being so miserable"
aku da agk geram da time tu.ape?? do you think that I am THAT WEAK !??!
"xpe la. its ok. i don't want to burden you kalo btol xnk mcg.lgpon it's my miserable.not urs. and it isn't ur responsibility anymore to make me feel better"
he replied ;
"hey, it's mine when i'm the cause k? just enjoy it k? ;p"
arhh..how could i enjoy if my emotion is not that stable and i might FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? and with that smiley, i think he should put this smiley ' :) ' rather than ' ;p '. It does not make me feel any better.
i replied ;
"its my feeling. how sure are you i won't fall for you again ?n...it's a lot miserable to accept that you are going to treat me as a fren. because i've told ya..i'm still waiting."

guess what he said people? It's simple ;
" Then, keep on waiting. ;) "
I feel that i am very2 freaking damn so stupid ! ='(
"yea..till i met new guy i think. hahaha"
"it's up to you sha."
Aku rase makin bodoh! ahhh...!! hey, boy doesn't you get it ?? if you can resist seeing me with other guy, how could you expect the same thing from me?seeing you with other girl? do you think that i'm okay with that? NO, I'M NOT OKAY!!!

Well, the text ended up by saying that " I can't resist this conversation anymore and it's buhbye from now..tataa" still. he hadn't reply my last text no matter how many times i remind him to reply my last msg so that i won't wait. I don't know what's up with that guy. He comforted me in a lot different way. he shouldn't bring up the thing that he really want to take me away from sadness. He should not even remind me for what he used to call me before.he just has to approach me and started with something that might make me forget about it while texting him. I'm not only losing you but also bestfriend.

What's been up lately ?

Good morning everyone!

It is a bright and cool morning. I don't know why. Instead, it does not raining. huhu. So how does my day starts? It started at 0000 as I was chatting with him which he asked me to call him Afoq, the SASian. Arhh, guess that I miss him quite a lot. :) Met him at KESUMA and he was quite charming. No doubt, with tall and broad shoulder yet quite tough. Well, the hockey player normally looks like that right ? U bet. The most girl's preference. ;p So, well i chatted with him nearly 3 hours and i enjoyed it so much. I slept at 3. and just wake up at 8.30. look at my phone anndd.. say what?! the num...ber. o'oh. I could feel like the electric current has just passed me through. guess that i should put the thinner resistance so it won't really effect my day. haha. so xpe la. i did reply his text.it's ok. no need to say it here.malas nk igt because i'm still one progression. ahh, kene kuat ! kene jgak ! pakse diri ! huhu. and the bother line, acah and dina said jgan lebey2! i guess i obeyed the bother line even though i feel like nk lebey2 jgak. hahaha. chill2 ! I'm strong ! yeahh... ;)

So this holiday, i notice something weird. I mean the boys that i dumped 2 years ago or my be year ago..contacting me back. uh huh. i tell you it was SCARY. ok let me start with the 1st one.

Ex-koleqian boy ;
I was watching the NEWS on TV as i noticed my phone was vibrating. aik, he called. so i picked up the phone and.. "hello" and... the conversation becomes smooth. ohh, i miss him as a friend of course. so he seems fine and i don't want to bother him as he's going to have tests on the upcoming days. I'm wishing him luck and continue my day as usual. It's ok. i misscall him first and hope to get the good feedback then. and yeahh, I'm happy. :)

Ex-camping boy ;
I was tidying up my house when again i noticed my phone keeps on vibrating. ohh, dia rupanya. so I approached him as usual. asking how has he been. what was him doing and blah3. tiba2... "awk, saya tunggu awak lepas SPM tau. :) " ohh, hell. i'm in trouble. dy igt lg ?? I thought it was all over as i said that thingy. I also have forgotten for what i was saying. alamak. yes, credit when off! pheww...so i didn't reply. he really waits for me for real ? unbelievable. he called me last night. i rejected the calls and at last, i answered it sweetly. I mean i taste the feeling before so i wont let others get the same back at least not FROM ME. So with tons of fake explanations and good reasons, i was able to handle the heart with care. :) but seriously, the thing do not only stops there, i have to talk to him later after the SPM. bbbaaassyyya!!

Ex-tuition classmate ;
Wake up for sahur. look at my phone and aik, he texts me and got some misscalls from him. so msg2..he splited this word. " ohh, sayang btol kamu kt aku yek." hah? wth? aduhh.plik3. so i replied him back. "mesti la.kau kan kwn aku :) " don't forget the smileys. so it continues during the nights and i found out that arhh. dy jdik mat rempit !!! lumba haram? aiyaaa... scary nye.. and3, he wants to meet me? ohh..again not with mat rempit. it does scare me a lot. so, for sake of friendship i said, "ya2.boleh jea" but didn't even made up promises.i should think of good excuses after this. phewww..what has been up lately ?

Bbaassyyaa!!

Hi readers!

what's up on today? today i've done a lot of work. yeah, cleaning stuffs and cooking ! :) lately, it's like my job to cook for the whole family since mom is not really feeling well, so i'll take the responsibility to cook for them. yea. it's a bit tough as dad is a bit fussy about food and keep on comparing the food with mom's. it happens to be that way. but not for this while. haha. abah kate sedap. well, i'm happy. :)

erm currently i'm trying hard not to think about it. so much things to do.i'll keep myself busy every moments so that i will not think about it often.

List of things to do so it won't really play on my mind ;

1. Don't visit his profile often. well, it's a lot miserable. xpe. cuba!
2. Don't try to look at my mobile phone at night. I might starting to miss him.
3. Keep myself a real busy.Pretty much, it's tiring.It burden me a lot. Cess.
4. Value those people around me especially friends and family.
5. Recite Quran more. It helps me to reduce my stress toward everything especially him and my studies.
6. Don't listen to love song especially the broken hearted one. If i'm not show it physically, i'll be crying inside heavily. Better not.
7. Contact other people if i'm starting to push on his number. thanks rizman, zul, and korek. haha. sorry kalau kacau korang. ;)
8. Delete his number ! I've done it. however, how would i delete his number from my memories?
9. Don't look at his picture again ! it would bring up all the memories back.
10. Keep on studying. I'll show him.