Still into you.

Hi

This song catch up my attention these few days. Pretty much it sums up everything.
I'm driven away with the lyrics and beats. It gets quite different with the original version but this sounds so soothing.

"I should be over all the butterfly, but I'm into you.
Baby even in the worst night, I'm into you.

After all this time, I'm still into you."

By any chance you open up my blog.
This is for you.

Still into you :)

When I say, I want to stay fit...

Hai

Sekarang baru habis satu minggu kelas of my sem 1 of final year. Alhamdulillah on track. So dalam masa masa ni banyak lah introductions. Not just intro to lecture je but to the people as well sebab kita dah kena assign for placement untuk physio and 2 days in lab for microbiology. So in total, ada 2 research studies throughout the year. Mak aihh, semput dia tuhan je yang tahu. Hari ni tengah tengah sapu lotion depan ain, ain tegur dah makin kurus. see, hebat tak kita bekerja a month kt adelaide ni plus my week 1 uni dah kekurusan begini. :P Timetable mmg tak boleh nk heaven sangat lah. Sampai sekarang ni tak sempat nk lunch pun. But i've made a promise to myself yang i need to stay healthy & never skip meals so my best companion right now is fruits! So bila ada transition kelas, sambil berjalan tu sambil tu lah kita makan buah. Nampak busy and. Nampak final year student sangatt. LOL.

T food lover wan syafiqa needs to keep fit too! So my aim and target hujung tahun ni :

PANDAI BERENANG

AT THE END OF 2015

HAHAHA

Okay, sila gelak kuat kuat -__- 

Since ramai adik adik freshie yang baru sampai kt adelaide ni, so ada a few students yang stay at my home for temporary. So sebagai kakak yang baik dan bertanggungjawab, i went over searching and inspecting accommodation dengan dorang. A few tips kalau nak cari rumah kat adelaide ni, since student student semua duduk kat suburb and public transport dia mmg 'thumbs up' lah, kteorang akan cari tempat tempat yang tak jauh dengan city and reachable by bus around 15-20mins lah paling lama pun. rumah kena dekat dengan bus stop kalau nk senang bagai, hehe. So very luckily, bebudak ni dapat rumah yang besar gila mcmm mansion & tak mcm rumah student punn. Sudah lah fully furnished, landlord pun hati penuh nur. Baik betul. lepastu, rumah dorang ada swimming pool. and its quite close to my house. sebab azam tahun baru nk kekal sihat & fit, I choose to walk rather than take the bus. Sebab takdelah jauh sgt and adelaide skrnag pun dah makin sejuk sbb nk tukar musim luruh dah, So i dont mind walking. Best lah, every week datang rumah dorang swimming and dapat tutorial free lagi sebab ramai yang pandai swimming kt situ. Siap buat aqua aerobic bagai. Hahaha. enough on that. And I am happy lah. Mcm nk keep the good figure lah konon kan, I had the intention nak pegi gym, siap sembang dgn sister julie yang recommended me to have it a try kat all women gym around west area jugak. Dah mcm reconsider sbb its very interesting kan. Kot lah dapat concession price, discounted price lagi. Masa tu dah eksited dah. 

But then...

Masa prac physio, hatiku ini gelisah kembali,

Dengan happy happy bukak myuni nk check siapa group se-placement kitaa. Tetiba rasa pelik. Dah kenapa groupmates aku ni semua lelaki. Aku pun check facebook dorang since org puteh ni normally they choose to use their full name kt fb. first bukak page adam, oh kenal je dia ni sbb selalu terserempak dalam lecture. lepastu, bukak sorang mamat ni punya fb, dia ahli bina badan! he goes to gym gambar pun semua kt gymm je. okay  lah terima je. so i went over to the next guy, dia peninju. gambar menang match dalam ring berpagar tinggi! omg, masa tu dh nervous2 dah. pesal sado sado semua ni. next guy pulak trainer gym! T_T okayyyy. foine! masa tu dah fkir, topic apa kita amik nii... T_T 

okay now, its EXERCISE ON HUMAN PERFOMANCE. sweet.

Patutlah semuanya ber-muscular. T_T

On our first meeting...supervisor pun inform :

"Normally, we did a high risk cardiovascular perfomance"

Stunt kejap.

"But I think that's fine. I dont think I wanna do that this year"

Okay, relax skit :)

"But I guess, we can do a running up and walking intensively.

Maybe you can run on the treadmill and get 5000 steps"

*okay masa ni mcm dengar cerita seram. 

Apakah semua ini. And I am most likely to stay in the same topic sampai akhir tahun dengan groupmates itu? Maigaddd. On that day rasa mcm awkward gila sebab berbaju kurung and the only girl yang ada kt situ. sudah la kecik, rasa mcm dihimpit2 dengan mat salleh yang tinggi lagi besar. haha. Lepas ni every week, kena datang uni dengan sport attire bagai sebab wan syafiqa yang nk fit sangat nii dah tak payah pergi gym sbb ada intensive exercise kt uni dah lol. masa tu balik rumah dengan rasa redha & pasrah je. Okay, save duit dah. Boleh simpan duit nk pegi gym utk kawin. hehe =P

*Lepas ni boleh lah buat post pasal tips tips nk jadi sado* -.-'

Silent reader, doakan my placement and my lab work ya! I want to finish everything happily this year and return to Malaysia. :)

Cheers.

#Sigh1

It's really been a while since I'm not posting anything in this blog. I was just busy sorting out my life straight. Though I feel that my life is routing just not 360 degree yet, still it has changed, like um a bit? well yeah more than that i guess.

The toughest battle has just arrived today. Uni is starting and I feel so much energetic and fresh today. It just feel good to have my housemates and people who cares about me around. Though I still think and pray for that unsure things but I'm pretty sure by taking a break, bring things out which keep bugging me a few times is a good thing to do. Hard at first, but I'm getting used to it now. All I need to do is focusing more on my 3rd year and I need to finish everything by the end of this year! Keep your head up and never look down again. I'm going to keep myself a real-busy-healthy-me.

Please pray for me. I really need the weapon now :)

Silent readers,
more post will be on me talking and mumbling to my own self soon.
I just feel like expressing myself. um maybe 2 or 3 times a week or perhaps, everyday?
*sigh*

I don't want this anymore.

Peeps,

it hurts. it hurts on everywhere.

and this time, it hurts deeper.

I think I can't go on any further with him though he travels all the way long from melbourne.

I don't think I can handle him when this aching heart is still wounded.

So, without any doubts I called him up and tell him everything that I can't go on with him.

I feel sorry and appreciate the efforts but I'm sorry, it's really a no.

But still, I can't handle a guy who easily gets his heart fluctuating.

I can't handle a guy who keeps on feeling unsure about me.

It hurts knowing that he doesn't have feeling on me no more.

I'm going to stop everything now.

Having this kind of feeling is never pleasant & it somehow destroys you to the very bits.

But maybe it just happens to be that way.

So I'm gonna leave everything on Him.

"Dear Allah,

I know things are not going on well. I'm hurting myself over and over again.

I had tears as my best companions throughout the year. 

I'll be having a big day tomorrow but when my heart hurts, I hurt my head as well.

I can't think straight and I lose my appetite.

Though I've been through all this,

I know its a sign from you showing me your love,

Because every time I cried, my hopes and my prayer seems to get harder.

I believe and rely on you more.

O Allah, I want to meet a guy who loves me unconditionally. 

Who would always look at me and afraid that he would ever break my heart.

I want a guy who would not running away from misunderstanding and fixed everything for me.

I want to meet a guy who thinks about marriage, not someone for me to walk around and be happy.

I want a guy who says sorry when he does mistakes because,

a simple sorry works very well on me. 

After all, I need someone who wants to hold my hand and enter the Jannah together.

Allah, grant me patience!

I don't want to have any seconds thinking about this anymore.

I want to finish my final year so badly.

Keep me strong and firm going through this.

Please keep me on the track"

The people I love are fading away

12.24 AM

*lights off, on the bed with quilt cover on me

*Summer just doesn't feel like summer

Peeps,

Things seem to not fall perfectly in their place. I enjoyed doing summer school but I wasn't able & eligible to take it anyway. And I was being informed at my 1st week of course, lepas buat presentation bagai & scored for high marks T_T  Okay lah, cut that out. But then there it comes, biochemistry is hitting on my way. So dengan bangganya I'm gonna face this sem dengan a year with biochemistry again. Kita dah balik Adelaide baru dapat tahu. Kalau tak dah lama duduk kat Malaysia lagi dan makan sate -__- My 1 month holiday was not a good one anyway. Now sadly, cari kerja tak jumpa kerja :( 

and things get harder now.

Because I feel like I have no support anymore. Bila mak dah takde, I just realized things get different slowly. Once I talked to my parents like 3-4days a week, but now I received no calls from my dad. They say, my dad is on the phone for almost every night. Yes, I am sad. Until now. It feels like, hilang tempat bergantung. And the one I always talked to, does not want to talk to me anymore. He seems to be different and I don't know what's going on him either. 

1) Mom has gone

2) Dad doesn't seem to care

3) He doesn't want to talk to me no more

Frankly, sungguh terasa diri ini sunyi. Buat awak yang membaca, jangan pernah samakan keluarga saya dan keluarga awak. Isu kita berbeza. Bersyukurlah awk masih punya ibu, tapi saya? kalau hilang ayah saya jugak? kat mana saya bergantung? Saya cuma ada awak untuk berkongsi. Disebabkan orang itu awak & bukan orang lain, saya beritahu awak apa yang saya fikirkan. Saya kongsi every single thoughts saya dengan awak. Awak kenal saya, dan saya kenal awak dah lama. Lama sangat. Niat hanya nak berkongsi rasa tapi it turns out to be wrong. Tak tahu mana silapnya kali ini. Kalau masih ada attitude yang sama, tak mustahil diri ini akan rasa tawar hati & annoyed. Hargai saya, sebelum orang lain datang dan hargai saya. Tindakan mendiamkan diri tanpa solusi is not a good thing. It somehow shows that you are not a man enough because you keep on running away. Kita selalu ada jalan utk berbincang, sort the things out, improve diri, work on what makes things get so awkward here. 

Pernah.

'Yang pernah merasa kehilangan pasti akan tahu

maksud sebenar menghargai,

dan kerana itu aku cuba merasa sebenar benar maksud

menghargai sebelum aku benar benar merasa kehilangan'

I don't meant it.

*Okay, sekarang ni rasa mcm nak cakap lepas je semua*

*Memang kena lepas, kalau tak rasa sakit hati lagi*

T_T 

Rasa macam nak keep it cool.

Rasa macam nak keep it down.

Tapi rupanya diri sendiri ni lelah jugak simpan sorang-sorang.

Semput jugak rasa bila perasaan ni dibiar terkontang-kanting mcm tu je. 

Bila rasa macam diri ni dah tak dipedulikan langsung.

At least, kalau tak nak jumpa, tak boleh ke bagi tahu awal awal?

I thought in really that fine morning, at least saya dapat text dari awak.

To tell the truth, I was expecting the answer sebelum malam. 

Tapi throughout the day, awak message mcm takde apa je. 

I'M LEAVING KOT.

I mean kalau taknak sangat pun boleh je kan mintak maaf elok2 send me text in the morning and tell me mungkin tak dapat datang ke hape. Seriously, rasa mcm time tu tah hape hape saya kena layan.

Rasa mcm orang bodoh pun ada. 

Rasa diperbodohkan sangat. 

Sekarang memang rasa sakit hati, bukan sedih dah.

Apalah sangat sakit hati awak yang sy tak sempat bfast dengan awak, dengan sakit hati sy yang awak layan saya mcm taik ni?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

promises, trusts itu ini semua?

Amende semua tu?

Rasa mcm nak persoalkan semua tu jee.

Betul lah kira awk memang tak boleh harap?

Betul lah ni yang saya tak boleh percaya awk 100%?

Saya rasa mcm saya ni barang yang bila awk nak, awak amik.

Bila taknak, buat bodoh je la eh?

Rasa mcm menyesal sangat dapat perasaan yang mcm ni. Patutnya saya pun ada perasaan mcm awk. On off on off mcm tu je. Kan best? 

Saya dah taknak terima kesedihan lagi tahun ni. Tahun ni ingat nak mula hidup baru.

Nak cuba set all the things right. Tolong lah jangan destroy things balik!

Kalau boleh rasa mcm nak JERIT KUAT KUAT NAK LEPASKAN SEMUA.

Annoying gila ah perangai awk tu.

Jangan sampai saya give up & delete everything back.

Anyway, 

thank you for make me feel disappointed with you again!

ps: I just want to let everything out.

I don't ask anyone to bother.

And dear you, 

please don't believe anything I said.

Because I don't really meant it.

I lost my pakcik :(

Assalamualaikum peeps.

Alhamdulillah it's a bright and beautiful morning. Rasanya ber-blogging ialah tempat paling best nk luah semua benda. Though pagi ni pagi yang best untuk diri ni menghilangkan stress and bergembira at least. Diri ni rasa macam taknak lalu pun hari ni & hari hari yang akan datang. Sungguh dah berapa kali hati ni terguris kerana orang yang sama & perkara yang sama.  Jujur saya kata saya dah dapat rasa something wrong dgn awk quite lama sbnrnya. Start bila awk rasa taknak cakap dengan saya and all. But well yeah sometimes I though people need a break. Awak pesan untuk saya bersangka baik dengan awk, tapi how could I kalau things keep on going like this? :( Tipu kalau saya kata saya tak bersedih dengan apa yang cakap semalam. Tipu kalau saya kata sepanjang saya busy, kat kem tinggal awak kejap and all, saya lupa awk. Tipu kalau saya kata, saya tak terasa bila saya hantar text kat awk, awk read, seen tapi lambat reply because it is just so not you. Tipu jugak kalau sy tak terasa bila nk jumpa awak isnin tu awk kasi saya alasan nak hantar kereta lah apa lah, when in facts byk lagi hari lain yg awak boleh hantar. Semalam bila saya kata saya nak tdur at 10.30pm which saya tak ngantuk langsung sebab saya tak tahan nak hadap awk mcm tu. Lepas bagi tahu nk tdur, lajuu je jawab salam. Aduhaii, masa tu rasa sedih yang amat. Terus rasa mcm taknak tengok whatsapp langsung. Rasa mcm awk tgh tunggu je bila saya nk tidur. Its like replying my text is a burden to you. Saya tak tahu nk react apa dekat awk sbnrnya. I don't want to make things worse. I don't want to blame anyone.

Awak,
seeing you that one night really makes me happy. Rindu. Nak bagitahu sangat tapi bila ada conversation dengan awk, you seemed not interested. I was trying hard to make things okay, tapi lepastu makan dalam saya pulak. I used to scroll back you goodnight texts bila rindu. Masa awk panggil saya, when you get very excited when I texted you telling you I'm home, tak tinggal awak dah. When you get back after class @ work and started to tell me lots of things. Bila saya buat perangai habits saya tuu, sy dah tdur dulu and awak bagi tahu saya awk nk tdur dah. Receiving a very bright text saying morning :)

Tak tahu mana hilangnya pakcik saya dah :(
I hope this only continues in the meantime. Saya dah nak balik lusa. I'm not happy to leave Malaysia and you like this. Hati ini masih mengatakan awak. We've been through for 7 years and I still want to be with you on upcoming years.